HI people Life really sucks right now. Really need some encouragement right now. I am so stressed and confused. So many things are getting to me and Im trying not to cope with it by binging on food. So anyway having a very hard time breaking 170 lbs. I finally broke it last weds and on monday I weighed myself, 168.8lbs. Yeah! right. Well hardly! I keep getting myself down about not weighing 140 already. My ultimate goal is to weigh 135 but Im losing track of foresight. I keep seeing mothers around town that have children Rhyan's age and have already given birth to another OR are pregnant as I type. So its really fustrating for me right now. Im getting down on myself saying shoulda coulda and why didnt I...... ARGH!!!!!!
So am I jealous of these women, uh... YES! Am I mad at myself for not losing the weight from Rhyans pregnancy , uh .....heck yea! If I had only lost the weight right after I gave birth I wouldn't be in my current situation. But then I think about it. I had much to deal with in the beginning. Met a guy - got pregnant - which wasnt planned. Had to change life in a matter of months. Everything I had planned and worked on went up in smoke. Of course until Rhy was born *grin grin*! But no matter all this only works if the other party is a willing participant. And lets just say that my now spouse wasnt so thrilled about the rush of mother nature.
You know reading my pregnancy journal and the margin notes I remembered plenty of what went on. Had repressed these memories - hmm wonder why? But from month 2 until month 8 I was sad and crying and lonely and unsure what my relationship with DC held. I had the support from my parents and my step dad and from the one person who didnt have to BUT DID! My very best friend in the entire universe, Ate (HH, R.N.). To her I am infinitely grateful for everything she has done for me and she did it because she loved me. Now thats true friendship if not family! Have I been there for her as much as she for me....maybe not. But I try to make it up with what little I can. Working on being a better friend. Promise!
I honestly thought that I would raise this kid alone, finish school and live in Tempe forever. But something changed and my lil boyish partner (at the time) pulled through and whallah! Hear I am. Happily Married and loving life in smalltown NM. Mu hubby works too much and I work - zilch - nada. Wait! Being a mom counts, right? Well it sure does. Its a lot of work and worry to be a parent. Something I could never have imagined as a single person. Lifes in general is tiresome. Thats as much as I can say Im tired. Im tired. Im tired and Im tired. But like someone once said, "Lifes tiresome but I can rest when Im dead". *Sigh*
So on a happier note - anyone else have anything energetic to share????
