These beautiful children I have I would protect with my life. But tonight I put myself and my children in harms way. I did the dumbest most unimaginable mistake of all time and I am feeling such guilt!
I really dont know what got into me. Thinking I could be quik with this task and everything would be fine. But the worst case scenario happened and it shook my foundation like you wouldnt believe.
Its 2 and a half hours later and I still cant shake the feeling. As of and hour ago my DH had been gone for more than 48 hrs on a fire assignment. Thankfully he got home just after all this happened. IF not I'd still be a mess. Crying like a mad person. Really I cant believe what happened but it has really made me re-evaluate the way ive been thinking lately. Just the other day I forgot i was preheating a pan, FOR 30 MINUTES! (maybe longer-who does that)
To add insult to injury, I made the most idiotic comment to my babysitters husband. Now Im sure he thinks Im a crazy person. I get so nervous around him trying to make a good impression that I resort to talking about his profession. Which is really not that important in the spectrum of things. Plus these are people I go to church with. He's probably telling his wife tonight that Im obsessed with his job. When really I could careless its the only thing short of no-conversation I can come up with. UH!
And im in this girlscout thing with a bunch of strangers whom make me very uncomfortable.
U ever feel like staying home and away from people would be the best option for u. I do. I am such a ticking time bomb that im almost certain that for me and my family - staying home and taking care of the kids is best for me to stay away from trouble. But with what just happened tonite I feel like im failing that job too.
*just wasnt a good day* My DH said, "tomorrows another day..."
Thats right and lets hope I learned a valubale lesson tonight. never leave the kids alone, even for a second.
