6/28/10
Baby Fever
Im a Bump-aholic! I cant wait to have another baby. lol
All my complaining thus far, I cant wait until we're blessed with another. If it never happens Im okay with that. But why not give it a try, right! The world needs another full-blooded nava-joe bebe! teehee
There's this movie Ive been watching on HBO and its hilarious!
"Away We Go"
its one of those B-rated movies. I love B-rated movies that never make it to the theatre. Im not your typical consumer who needs to purchase movies on DVD, VHS, or BLu-ray. I actually think its a waste. But there are 2 movies I have to get, just absolutely have! "Motherhood" starring Uma Thurman - Hilarious! and "Away We Go"! Both are films touching on the ups and downs of parenting. I just love em. TWO THUMBS UP!
I also love Turner Classic Movie Channel. Rhy and I love black and white films. *screaming* Really, we love em so much. We've been watching alot of great movies lately. A few days ago we headed to Blockbuster and rented all old movies. Mostly, Disney. We watched
- Black Beauty
- Pinocchio
- Lion King
- Parent Trap (orginal)
and one other but i cant recall right now.
We love musicals. She has grown very fond of them. *smiling*
We dance around singing the songs and fantasizing in our lil make believe worlde. Its great really. The outside world doesnt matter and we veg all day. Spectacular. you should try. ;o)
Its such a cliche but Ive always loved Barbara Streisand musicals. Love em to death. Cant get enough.
On a sidenote: Limiting TV has really brought the family close together and we listen to Light classical almost all day long. Or alot of children's sing-a-long tunes. Fun times!
But I do have to admit, I feel much like a hypocrite, when the kids are asleep I sneak in some TV time. I feel like a crack addict. I hide my addiction. I watch hours of endless nonsense on the boobtube after everyones asleep. lol. Really Im addicted and I dont want Rhy to be the same as an adult.
So I have to nip it in the bud!
Hope u all are having fun times with the family, enjoy!
All my complaining thus far, I cant wait until we're blessed with another. If it never happens Im okay with that. But why not give it a try, right! The world needs another full-blooded nava-joe bebe! teehee
There's this movie Ive been watching on HBO and its hilarious!
"Away We Go"
its one of those B-rated movies. I love B-rated movies that never make it to the theatre. Im not your typical consumer who needs to purchase movies on DVD, VHS, or BLu-ray. I actually think its a waste. But there are 2 movies I have to get, just absolutely have! "Motherhood" starring Uma Thurman - Hilarious! and "Away We Go"! Both are films touching on the ups and downs of parenting. I just love em. TWO THUMBS UP!
I also love Turner Classic Movie Channel. Rhy and I love black and white films. *screaming* Really, we love em so much. We've been watching alot of great movies lately. A few days ago we headed to Blockbuster and rented all old movies. Mostly, Disney. We watched
- Black Beauty
- Pinocchio
- Lion King
- Parent Trap (orginal)
and one other but i cant recall right now.
We love musicals. She has grown very fond of them. *smiling*
We dance around singing the songs and fantasizing in our lil make believe worlde. Its great really. The outside world doesnt matter and we veg all day. Spectacular. you should try. ;o)
Its such a cliche but Ive always loved Barbara Streisand musicals. Love em to death. Cant get enough.
On a sidenote: Limiting TV has really brought the family close together and we listen to Light classical almost all day long. Or alot of children's sing-a-long tunes. Fun times!
But I do have to admit, I feel much like a hypocrite, when the kids are asleep I sneak in some TV time. I feel like a crack addict. I hide my addiction. I watch hours of endless nonsense on the boobtube after everyones asleep. lol. Really Im addicted and I dont want Rhy to be the same as an adult.
So I have to nip it in the bud!
Hope u all are having fun times with the family, enjoy!
Three Stooges: Curly's Sweater
Mom & Ry helpin reagan with sweater. lol!!!!!!!!
Dom says were the 3 stooges. This coment comes after he witnesses me screamin at ry.
enjoy :o)
Reagan 6 month and 18 days old
Another cute mug from my phone. it doesnt do her justice but you get the idea. ugh! reagans trying to eat the keyboard as I type this.
Tired of trying to find something pretty to fit reagan and have it thin enough for hot sumer days in an infant carseat.... I decided to make my own baby dress. Im attempting to read a SIMPLICITY sewing pattern. Its hard. Ive tried years back and have no idea what the jargon means. So that has stone walled me from ever attempting it again. Im scared and intimidated by sewing patterns. lol
Ive figured it was always easier for others and I have never had anyone show me or educate me on proper "adult" usage of a sewing machine. My mom bought me a machine years ago, or gave me her old one. Then Rhy broke the plastic stick thingy that holds the thread spool so I couldnt use it for a while. Then one day I got the sewing itch. I tried to superglue the plastic spool holder back on, even ducktape it. No such luck. Didnt work.
THen My ma heard bout my troubles, came across a bargain at Walmart and purchased a brand new one ALL FOR ME! YAhoo. Remember my story about hand-me-downs. This was new and never used by anyone else. I felt sooo special. lol.
So Since that time Ive been trying to use it here and there. But just this pass Friday and Saturday I sewed my very first professional looking dress (well as profesh as a middle eastern child laborer can sew). Ouch! I know not funny.
This one had no seams sticking out. All the seams were tucked away like they should be and no loose thread ends or fraying were showing through. yahoo! three cheers for all "thumbs" girlies everywhere.
I'm not your typical girly girl. No one showed me how to cook, put make-up on, sew a dress, etc etc. I learned all this myself. Now credit to my ma. She did try when I was younger before the divorce but who remembers things like that when their 8 yrs old or 10 yrs??? surely not me.
So I did aout 3 hrs of research on the internet, thank goodness for the worldwideweb! lol
Learning about all the terms and watching the e-videos on proper techniques. I LEARNED HOW TO SEW AND READ A PATTERN in as lil as 3 hrs. yahoo again! whoohoo!
I will show you all the final project in a few days when the girls are ready to model them. I have to say they came out better than expected. REALLY! better than I EVER expected. lol
Can I cook?
Now there are people who laugh at me because I cant cook. When I say I cant cook I mean average everyday food.
Im more comfortable cooking a roast or turkey in the oven as opposed to boiling eggs or rice. This is a picture of me attempting to make my sick lil Rhyan white rice. NOw, I can boil brown rice (uncle Ben's) in a bag. But in a saucepan the ole fashion way? nope! and heres proof.
to my credit... i have the whole boiled egg thing down. its been about a year now. lol
Babyfood
Trying my hand at homemade babyfod. Although, this dish is only given to 12 month olds, mac'chz with broccoli, its suppose to be yummy for everyone. It looked sooo yummy online, i had to try it. HAvent had free time to try until DC came home from South Fork Fire. So gave it a whirl on Sunday and it was yum-o!
Just hope Reagan thinks so when shes a yr old. lol
6/22/10
Once a time ago....
Hey Ms. Toni, is this the older gentleman that used to live at our apartment complex?
"Emo", Emmanuelle Laurence.I never knew his name. I talked with him on several occasions and he did introduce himself. But me, I never can remember names at a first time introduction.
I saw this photo in the paper. It was in memory of him for fathers day. It noted that he had passed in March 2010.
If its the same guy that used to live in the corner apt. Im shocked.
He was always a kind person. I liked him. He reminded me of my dad.
Sad really.
6/17/10
day out with mom
The girls grocery shopping with me. Red meat on sale at Safeway. Notice the chubby girl is sitting solo in the front of shopping cart!
Valley Fresh Steamers
Okay remember I mentioned, either yestrday or the day b4, that I was losing my mind!
Have you ever tried those Green Giant Valley Fresh Steamers? pop 'em in the microwave for 5 minutes and whallah! side dish ready in minutes. Well someone introduced them to me and I havent looked back. There very simple especially when you have a chubby 28 lb baby on your hip.
The first nite DC was gone I threw one in the microwave for dinner. Now let me tell you how dinner time goes around our house. I rush around trying to throw something together. Which usually consists of frozen chicken strips, veggie stix, and a quik salad from a bag. Toss a hand full on each of the paper plates, pour on some dressing, if the families lucky... I cut up more salad garnishments. If not, thats all they get. Some greens straight from the bag, more veggie sticks, cut up fruit and the chk strips. We eat this 99% of the time. DC hates it but he'll starve if he doesnt.
The family is just lucky they get food at night. Really!
When you have a stubborn, finicky, cry baby like Reagan as your child and between 5 and 6pm is her bedtime prep, u do whatever you can to keep her from screaming anymore for the day. By 5 pm I usually have a migraine the size of the reservation. ha ha ha.
A few weeks ago, one stressless evening, I decided to whip up a fresh homemade meal. We all ate and couldnt believe our tummies. Full to the max. First thing Dom said, "OH MAN, feels good to eat real food again." If that didnt sum it up I dont know what else would.
So back to my story. With DC gone its hard to get anything accomplished with Reagan. So I rushed around trying to get dinner on the table and forgot I put the valley fresh steamer in the microwave. Today Rhyan wanted leftover chicken. I opened the microwave and tahdah, stinky valley fresh bag sittin there staring at me.
Gross thing, besides the smell, it was 10 days ago that I nuked it! Blah! yuk!
(Excuse me, the babies screaming I have to go!)
6/16/10
shhh dont tell that im propping up the bottle of milk.
baby taken care of, check!
So as I was saying about friends. I had just limited my contact with crackbook friends, as ms toni puts it.
I wanted to delete my account but I just cant do it. Theres this network of people at Wholesome babyfood.com that I love. You can do live chat with other ma's that make their own baby food. But inorder to be apart of this e-community I have to stay connected to facebook. ugh!
So, like I told you,I deleted most of the friend contacts. and wham I get hit with 5 new people wanting to be frends. blah!
I left high school and never wanted to look back and now all these people are tryin to reconnect. About what? I have nothing in common with them. When I have friends I like to live by the motto... quality is better than quantity. and some of these people have like 180, 200, 89 friend contacts. Who does that? more importantly, WHY? I wanna be incontact with people I truly am interested in, not who went where and who's going back to the reservation for a weekend visit.
I'm all about diaper rashes, latest baby purees, laundry folding and grocery shopping mishaps. These people have nothing in common with me. Why? and I end up looking like the mean person when I want to deny them a e-hook up of sorts.
Maybe I should tell everyone Im LDS. Mormon, if you will. that'll scare everyone and then maybe they'll leave me alone. LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!
So as I was saying about friends. I had just limited my contact with crackbook friends, as ms toni puts it.
I wanted to delete my account but I just cant do it. Theres this network of people at Wholesome babyfood.com that I love. You can do live chat with other ma's that make their own baby food. But inorder to be apart of this e-community I have to stay connected to facebook. ugh!
So, like I told you,I deleted most of the friend contacts. and wham I get hit with 5 new people wanting to be frends. blah!
I left high school and never wanted to look back and now all these people are tryin to reconnect. About what? I have nothing in common with them. When I have friends I like to live by the motto... quality is better than quantity. and some of these people have like 180, 200, 89 friend contacts. Who does that? more importantly, WHY? I wanna be incontact with people I truly am interested in, not who went where and who's going back to the reservation for a weekend visit.
I'm all about diaper rashes, latest baby purees, laundry folding and grocery shopping mishaps. These people have nothing in common with me. Why? and I end up looking like the mean person when I want to deny them a e-hook up of sorts.
Maybe I should tell everyone Im LDS. Mormon, if you will. that'll scare everyone and then maybe they'll leave me alone. LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!
You gotta fren'd in me
I love this blogsite. I really do. I have a chance to vent and air all my dirty laundry. lol.
I have no friends- so this allows me to talk about what been on my mind. Really I have no one I talk to on a daily basis. The people I truly considered my friends have moved away, lost contact with me, or are too busy working to chat.
The only person I talk to on a daily basis is, let me correct that - the only adult I talk to on a daily basis, is my hubby.
My ma is busy and I get, maybe, 5 minutes to say something in a 7 day period. My dad is busy with life and visits and calls, if Im lucky, 5 times a year. And usually only calls or visits so he can bicker about his family. such a tedious task - to have to listen to him.
And my one and only best friend in the whole wide world - hazel- has seemed to forgotten my phone number, my name, that I have a pulse. lol
Sad really when you lose touch with people you really cared about. She and I met in 1997 and we inseparable from that time on. Until I got married in 2005. Then it slowly went from few visits a year to few phone calls a year. To nothing! nada!
Dont ask me what happened - cuz im still trying to figure it out.
I do have to say I have one great friend that I know still cares about me. And thats MS. Toni. She still gives me shout outs all the way from Pennsylvania. Thanks lady for always reading and staying in touch with me. BTW: I love to read your blog. Keep the recipes coming. Although I never try them I always imagine myself standing in the kitchen - whippin up a batch of ms toni's somethings! lol
I do have to give u credit for droppin me that mozarella chz stick recipe. To this day I still make em. I never would've thunk u could make em from such simple ingredients. Ry loves em to death. me too!
baby cryin - gotta go. big hugs lov u all.
and happy belated birthday to all you readers. Auntie Lechele I wanted to send an email and never did it. But HAPPY BIRTHDAY and HAPPY BIRTHDAY Gamma MIchele!
I have no friends- so this allows me to talk about what been on my mind. Really I have no one I talk to on a daily basis. The people I truly considered my friends have moved away, lost contact with me, or are too busy working to chat.
The only person I talk to on a daily basis is, let me correct that - the only adult I talk to on a daily basis, is my hubby.
My ma is busy and I get, maybe, 5 minutes to say something in a 7 day period. My dad is busy with life and visits and calls, if Im lucky, 5 times a year. And usually only calls or visits so he can bicker about his family. such a tedious task - to have to listen to him.
And my one and only best friend in the whole wide world - hazel- has seemed to forgotten my phone number, my name, that I have a pulse. lol
Sad really when you lose touch with people you really cared about. She and I met in 1997 and we inseparable from that time on. Until I got married in 2005. Then it slowly went from few visits a year to few phone calls a year. To nothing! nada!
Dont ask me what happened - cuz im still trying to figure it out.
I do have to say I have one great friend that I know still cares about me. And thats MS. Toni. She still gives me shout outs all the way from Pennsylvania. Thanks lady for always reading and staying in touch with me. BTW: I love to read your blog. Keep the recipes coming. Although I never try them I always imagine myself standing in the kitchen - whippin up a batch of ms toni's somethings! lol
I do have to give u credit for droppin me that mozarella chz stick recipe. To this day I still make em. I never would've thunk u could make em from such simple ingredients. Ry loves em to death. me too!
baby cryin - gotta go. big hugs lov u all.
and happy belated birthday to all you readers. Auntie Lechele I wanted to send an email and never did it. But HAPPY BIRTHDAY and HAPPY BIRTHDAY Gamma MIchele!
SCRABBLE WAR!!!
Okay! Now this is just ree-donk-cue-less, as Donkey would put it (reference to Shrek movies, for those of u that didnt get it)!After we finish the game I mentioned to her we could go to the store and buy another game, pictionary. Needless to say, she couldnt wait for the game to be over.....
Silly really. As you guys know I had suggested we buy a Scrabble jr game board in hopes to get Ry better at spelling. Well, I bought it yesterday and couldnt wait to show her how to play. Reagan went down for her nap at 11:30a and it took me 5minutes to explain the rules to Ry. By, 12 noon we were off and playing. By 12:30p she had whooped my butt terribly. 62 to 25! Do I need to tell you who was twenty-five. argh!
She spanked me bad! She got Double word and Double letter score on several turns. All the 4 and five letter words are her creation. Sadly, and pitifully I report I'm the two and three letter word creator. Sad, really, Just SAD! embarrasing... pitiful.
Whatha?
She jumps up and says, "CAN WE GO NOW!"
My jaw still on the floor.
Wait, what jus happ'nd? Uh, wait .. uh...I bought this thinking it would take her forever to learn to play. Boy was I sadly mistaken. on to the next task mommy! lol
grocery shopping with kids
havent checked in, in a while! sorry. As you may have quessed, DC is on a fire assignment in north central NM! Prior to that he was in Heber, AZ and then Alpine,AZ. He has been away since the 8th. And He will possibly be gone on Fathers day. Boo hOo. But having a lil more cash around has been nice. Fire season always brings more overtime. All year we go without alot of "wants", come fire season, although I nag about him being gone, I really enjoy having an extra $20 in my purse to spend at our leisure. Such as $3 flowers to replant in a pot, $5 fabric paint for crafts, $5 garden ornaments, $9 kiddie toys, etc. etc. SO yes its been okay.
Reagan is so fascinated with the seat buckles in her high chair. She spends more time with her head down trying to grab 'em. Every few minutes we look over to see her head buried like an ostrich! lol
Yesterday, Rhyan and I bought Reagan her first "big" girl toy. A piano recommended for infants 6+ of age. tee hee. she enjoys it. But of course she enjoys sucking on tupperware lids and chewing on her spoons more! go Figure!
She rocks back and forth on her knees and hands. Soon, she'll be off! hurray, NOT!
She has graduated to carrots. Doc says its ok to introduce meat to her, as long as I place in food processor first! well of course doc. No! Im gonna throw her a hunk of steak and let her gnaw on it. Yeah, cuz thats how I like to torture my kids.
Rhyan is happy with piano lessons and girls scouts and reading. I dont have much more time than that. How we're gonna fit in swim lessons in 2 weeks I hav no clue. Im sadistic! I like to tortue myself. cant you tell. I had children didnt I? lol
Life is good.
You wanna know how absentminded I am!!!!
Yesterday we went grocery shopin. I had to return a box of Rice Krispy cereal becuz when I initially purchased it - the bag inside was open.
Soooo, I take it back to cust svc counter at Wallie world. She tells me to grab another box to exchange. I say yes, I have more items to grab and Ill be about 2 hrs. So by the end of the 2 hrs, after checkout, im frazzled and tired. I forget. I went thru the line and paid for the new box without remembering I was suppose to exchange it. Duh! So I dont remember about the cereal at cust svc desk until 5 hrs later. I call and say Ill be by later this evening after girl scouts. yeah, cuz the walmart lady really wants to know what my plans are. lol. So I get the kids to bed, finish cleaning, brush teeth, and lay down, realizing its 12 am midnite and I have yet to return to walmart to exchange my box and get a refund for the second one I didnt need to pay for. Double DOH! ARGH!!!!!!!!! Im losing my mind. You cant help but laugh! =}
Reagan is so fascinated with the seat buckles in her high chair. She spends more time with her head down trying to grab 'em. Every few minutes we look over to see her head buried like an ostrich! lol
Yesterday, Rhyan and I bought Reagan her first "big" girl toy. A piano recommended for infants 6+ of age. tee hee. she enjoys it. But of course she enjoys sucking on tupperware lids and chewing on her spoons more! go Figure!
She rocks back and forth on her knees and hands. Soon, she'll be off! hurray, NOT!
She has graduated to carrots. Doc says its ok to introduce meat to her, as long as I place in food processor first! well of course doc. No! Im gonna throw her a hunk of steak and let her gnaw on it. Yeah, cuz thats how I like to torture my kids.
Rhyan is happy with piano lessons and girls scouts and reading. I dont have much more time than that. How we're gonna fit in swim lessons in 2 weeks I hav no clue. Im sadistic! I like to tortue myself. cant you tell. I had children didnt I? lol
Life is good.
You wanna know how absentminded I am!!!!
Yesterday we went grocery shopin. I had to return a box of Rice Krispy cereal becuz when I initially purchased it - the bag inside was open.
Soooo, I take it back to cust svc counter at Wallie world. She tells me to grab another box to exchange. I say yes, I have more items to grab and Ill be about 2 hrs. So by the end of the 2 hrs, after checkout, im frazzled and tired. I forget. I went thru the line and paid for the new box without remembering I was suppose to exchange it. Duh! So I dont remember about the cereal at cust svc desk until 5 hrs later. I call and say Ill be by later this evening after girl scouts. yeah, cuz the walmart lady really wants to know what my plans are. lol. So I get the kids to bed, finish cleaning, brush teeth, and lay down, realizing its 12 am midnite and I have yet to return to walmart to exchange my box and get a refund for the second one I didnt need to pay for. Double DOH! ARGH!!!!!!!!! Im losing my mind. You cant help but laugh! =}
6/12/10
Reagan one week ago
Isnt this kid gettin bigger and bigger.
Shes a husky lil gal. She weighs 18.5lbs and measures 28 inches long.
Shes a freak of nature, according to onlookers - who find it necessary to chime in on my daughters "huskiness", as I like to call it.
The Nurse practitioner suggested a diet of sorts if Reagan doesnt slow down on her weight gain by month 9. Poor Rea Rea (ray ray)!
She loves to eat. She has no patience. She screams from the top of her highest pitch when the spoon leaves her mouth on another journey to pik up more food from bowl. She doesnt understand that the food doesnt come directly from the spoon. lol
Rhyan has been busy and mommies much happier these days.
Rhyan has been occupied with girlscouts, piano lessons, and playdates. And we have yet to begin swim lessons or regular visits to library nor have we started with the daily craft activities the city provides. *sigh*
So much to do. I dont think I'll have much more time to help her study this summer. Ive decided to pick up scrabble JR. (another great idea from a another ma)to help her with her spelling. We plan on reading 100 books this summer, is that much or not enough?
I have found the Caldecott and Newberry sites and have proposed to keep her up-to-date on the latest and greatest awarded authors. YEah, for me right ms toni. Ms toni is a "retired" teacher and always has great ideas. She's also an english geek and book worm, so its always neat to pik her brain. =]
baby crying... to be cont'd!
6/6/10
I really thought I was alright Today. We returned from ABQ after a sleepover at the zoo. WHich was absolutely amazing! I had a blast. Wished I could have let Rhyan enjoy it more and not ride her as hard as I did. But its me, who we kidding?!
So that give you an idea of how our night went on saturday. It doesnt need to be said but Rhyan was EXTREMELY TIRED!
She had the biggest meltdown beginning at 10pm. Now, all 1,000 girls were still going full speed at 11:00pm. So it was hard to control her. She wanted to be apart of all the festivities, even if it was a small part like playin freeze tag with other troops. It was so adorable how friendly my lil girl was with making new friends. I set out a throw for the 5 girls in our troop to watch Happy Feet on the lawn. I go to sit and eat my dinner with them and theres no space for me. In the dark, I look closely at the faces and realize we have strangers sittin with us. Rhyan made friends with a troop from Los Lunas, shared her snacks with 'em, and invited them to sit with HER. Not us, HER! All the while, kicking her fellow girl scout troop of to the moist grass. DOH! Well atleast shes trying, we have to work on the other part. lol.
Shes running around, laughing and screaming very loudly. She's putting herself in a bad position. She's gonna rip someones tent. trip over tent stakes. Run into another kid and split open her head. or at the most get an extremely painful headache. So IM grinding my teeth and grunting out in a moderately stern tone,"Rhyan cut it out, settle down, stop it, no more, no more, settle down, stop, stop, come here, come here now!" Does she comprehend any of this.
And this goes on for 15 - 20 minutes.
Im losing my patience quick, not to mention Im so tired.
Then....
She falls into our tent. I hear a very distint crack!
Its the tent poles and Im freaking out. First wondering about how severe the damage is to our tent and can we still sleep in it.
Then, I worry if she has scraped her leg or cut her foot?
What a terrible mom, right!
So the tent wasnt damaged but that was the straw that broke the camels back. UGH!
I quickly grab her by her upper arm fiercely, drag her off, while she screams,"no, ouch, that hurts, stop it, dont pinch me!"
Im seeing red and gettin more and more embarassed.
I end up squeezing her nose, pinching and yanking more and Im ready to lose it. Were away from the tents now and standing off in the dark. While I wring her out.
THat was the first incident. There were a few more that ended with the biggest one at 12:15am. Yes, shes still up at this time. Now since the first one she has been locked up with her friend, Sam, in the tent. talking to the other girls through the mesh screen.
So she gets outta hand I tell her calmly I need to set some rules and she needs to leave the tent with me. To go talk. Now, on the trip over earlier in the day I versed her in the rules. But when she gets around other girls, laughs and begins to have fun - she loses focus and goes bonkers! Absolutley BONKERS! and it drives me INSANE!
I cant handle it. Im like a werewolf during a fullmoon... I morph into Joan Crawford, and rather scream, "CHRISTINA", I growl loudly, " RHYAN"!!!!!!!!!!
I hate it when I do that. I cant turn that off the minute Im in a full blown freak out. Until after I realize how severe my behaviour was and I have such guilt. I cry and make myself sick thinking about how I looked to onlookers and mainly how this affected Rhyan. It makes me sick. Im not one of those moms that carry themselves with dignity. But I sure wish I was.
Now, b4 you say its the stress of being a new mom to a 6 month old. Ive done this mutliple times b4 Reagan was conceived. I started when Rhy was just a toddler. Its aweful. THis is what I mean when I refer to myself as a horrific mother. MAybe motherhood doesnt agree with me. I always thought I was the motherly type, but I have to try hard at it. IT rough, REAL rough.
So she says over and over to me at midnite somthing to the effect:
1. I cant do anything right
2. I always mess things up
3. Daddy's the only one that loves me
4. You dont love me, you hate me,
5. YOu think Im ugly, im not beautiful, Im dumb.
6. I dont know anything
and more and more just like these comments
At this moment I realize Ive road her hard today and shes spent. SPENT!
I know right now that the last thing she needs from me is more yelling. So I say (in a not so behaved "mother" way), theres plenty of moms her. go. go pick another one. you obviously dont want me to be your mom anymore. Then DOm not being there, still saved the day. He called at that very moment, spoke to rhy calming her down. She gives the phone back and says to me,
" mom im tired and my legs hurt, can i have some medicine".
DOne.
she was ready for bed. I took that opportunity and ran with it. We went back . I cuddled her more. calmly told her to settle down and get to bed.
She was asleep within 2 mins. Man, I was SPENT!
Did I sleep well that night? nope. But again I realized
1. how bad of a mom I am.
2. How much im not paying attention to Rhyan
3. how impatient and angered I am by her not being perfect, and just wanting to act like a lil kid. I know, shes 6 and she doesnt want to sit still. Go figure!
So Im home, everynes asleep and at 11pm tonight I realize Im not OKAY!
I need to cry, feel the biggest urge coming outta nowhere. And I break down. I feel the need to get on the blog and post my feelings. so thats what Im doing.
uh oh! I hear the baby. c ya
So that give you an idea of how our night went on saturday. It doesnt need to be said but Rhyan was EXTREMELY TIRED!
She had the biggest meltdown beginning at 10pm. Now, all 1,000 girls were still going full speed at 11:00pm. So it was hard to control her. She wanted to be apart of all the festivities, even if it was a small part like playin freeze tag with other troops. It was so adorable how friendly my lil girl was with making new friends. I set out a throw for the 5 girls in our troop to watch Happy Feet on the lawn. I go to sit and eat my dinner with them and theres no space for me. In the dark, I look closely at the faces and realize we have strangers sittin with us. Rhyan made friends with a troop from Los Lunas, shared her snacks with 'em, and invited them to sit with HER. Not us, HER! All the while, kicking her fellow girl scout troop of to the moist grass. DOH! Well atleast shes trying, we have to work on the other part. lol.
Shes running around, laughing and screaming very loudly. She's putting herself in a bad position. She's gonna rip someones tent. trip over tent stakes. Run into another kid and split open her head. or at the most get an extremely painful headache. So IM grinding my teeth and grunting out in a moderately stern tone,"Rhyan cut it out, settle down, stop it, no more, no more, settle down, stop, stop, come here, come here now!" Does she comprehend any of this.
And this goes on for 15 - 20 minutes.
Im losing my patience quick, not to mention Im so tired.
Then....
She falls into our tent. I hear a very distint crack!
Its the tent poles and Im freaking out. First wondering about how severe the damage is to our tent and can we still sleep in it.
Then, I worry if she has scraped her leg or cut her foot?
What a terrible mom, right!
So the tent wasnt damaged but that was the straw that broke the camels back. UGH!
I quickly grab her by her upper arm fiercely, drag her off, while she screams,"no, ouch, that hurts, stop it, dont pinch me!"
Im seeing red and gettin more and more embarassed.
I end up squeezing her nose, pinching and yanking more and Im ready to lose it. Were away from the tents now and standing off in the dark. While I wring her out.
THat was the first incident. There were a few more that ended with the biggest one at 12:15am. Yes, shes still up at this time. Now since the first one she has been locked up with her friend, Sam, in the tent. talking to the other girls through the mesh screen.
So she gets outta hand I tell her calmly I need to set some rules and she needs to leave the tent with me. To go talk. Now, on the trip over earlier in the day I versed her in the rules. But when she gets around other girls, laughs and begins to have fun - she loses focus and goes bonkers! Absolutley BONKERS! and it drives me INSANE!
I cant handle it. Im like a werewolf during a fullmoon... I morph into Joan Crawford, and rather scream, "CHRISTINA", I growl loudly, " RHYAN"!!!!!!!!!!
I hate it when I do that. I cant turn that off the minute Im in a full blown freak out. Until after I realize how severe my behaviour was and I have such guilt. I cry and make myself sick thinking about how I looked to onlookers and mainly how this affected Rhyan. It makes me sick. Im not one of those moms that carry themselves with dignity. But I sure wish I was.
Now, b4 you say its the stress of being a new mom to a 6 month old. Ive done this mutliple times b4 Reagan was conceived. I started when Rhy was just a toddler. Its aweful. THis is what I mean when I refer to myself as a horrific mother. MAybe motherhood doesnt agree with me. I always thought I was the motherly type, but I have to try hard at it. IT rough, REAL rough.
So she says over and over to me at midnite somthing to the effect:
1. I cant do anything right
2. I always mess things up
3. Daddy's the only one that loves me
4. You dont love me, you hate me,
5. YOu think Im ugly, im not beautiful, Im dumb.
6. I dont know anything
and more and more just like these comments
At this moment I realize Ive road her hard today and shes spent. SPENT!
I know right now that the last thing she needs from me is more yelling. So I say (in a not so behaved "mother" way), theres plenty of moms her. go. go pick another one. you obviously dont want me to be your mom anymore. Then DOm not being there, still saved the day. He called at that very moment, spoke to rhy calming her down. She gives the phone back and says to me,
" mom im tired and my legs hurt, can i have some medicine".
DOne.
she was ready for bed. I took that opportunity and ran with it. We went back . I cuddled her more. calmly told her to settle down and get to bed.
She was asleep within 2 mins. Man, I was SPENT!
Did I sleep well that night? nope. But again I realized
1. how bad of a mom I am.
2. How much im not paying attention to Rhyan
3. how impatient and angered I am by her not being perfect, and just wanting to act like a lil kid. I know, shes 6 and she doesnt want to sit still. Go figure!
So Im home, everynes asleep and at 11pm tonight I realize Im not OKAY!
I need to cry, feel the biggest urge coming outta nowhere. And I break down. I feel the need to get on the blog and post my feelings. so thats what Im doing.
uh oh! I hear the baby. c ya
6/2/10
facebook, oops!
Rhyan and I made gelatin gigglers today!
It was so cool. Ive never made them b4. Ive always wanted to try but never had patience to read instructions or look for a recipe. We used her Elmo Sesame Street Cookbook she received from her cousin. We used pomegranate juice and blueberries with the unflavored gelatin packets. It didnt taste good, i thought. But Rhy loved them. Too salty. Maybe the salt taste came from the nonstick olive oil cooking spray. The recipe said to spray so the gigglers are easiest to remove from pan when its lubricated.
I slept from 4p to 9pm this evening. It was awesome. Baby slept with me. She had trouble at first but wore out from all the fussing. She was awake all day, as usual. She did so great the other 2 days and today, not so much. Its 12 midnight and I hope she sleeps the entire night. My luck she'll get up at 5am bright eyed and bushy "hair". =}
Cheer Camp goin well this week, its only 4 days long. Girl Scout camp out is coming up on saturday. Gamma Cille will be here sat morning to watch the chunkey girl while the skinny girl and I drive to abq. I didnt give it much thought, but now Im nervous about leaving the baby. DC is suppose to be here with the baby and gamma. I think I'll be the one that has separation anxiety.
Ms. Toni we would love to be penpals with TJ. I have yet to mail off his package of goodies. It'll happen soon I promise. Rhyan started an email acct and has sent you a message. If you receive, please confirm with a reply. Thanks! By the way, How many siblings do you have.
Dry as ever here in smalltown, NM. We need rain. Two big fires broke, one, in southern AZ, and the other in Santa Fe. All the Southwest type 1 crews were at the Horseshoe fire including DC's IHC crew. But as of today they were released, when they return - if the Santa FE fire blows up (gets outta hand) and his Crew is committed, he TOO will leave with 'em. Boo HOO!
DC bought me my very own sleeping bag today for the campout. YAhoo! My very first EVER! Yes, really! hard to believe I know, but ive always had handme downs from my older brother. So you can imagine the excitement! After everyone went to sleep I removed it from its pouch - unrolled - and climbed in! AWE! that was nice. I relaxed and made myself comfy, almost falling asleep on living rm flr. What a goober, right?! =] have a great day 2moro. I know Ill definitely try.
HIndsight: I told DC what I did with the facebook acct and he said big mistake. It was very rude. YOu think so? whatcha think. email me at rlgishi@msn.com
It was so cool. Ive never made them b4. Ive always wanted to try but never had patience to read instructions or look for a recipe. We used her Elmo Sesame Street Cookbook she received from her cousin. We used pomegranate juice and blueberries with the unflavored gelatin packets. It didnt taste good, i thought. But Rhy loved them. Too salty. Maybe the salt taste came from the nonstick olive oil cooking spray. The recipe said to spray so the gigglers are easiest to remove from pan when its lubricated.
I slept from 4p to 9pm this evening. It was awesome. Baby slept with me. She had trouble at first but wore out from all the fussing. She was awake all day, as usual. She did so great the other 2 days and today, not so much. Its 12 midnight and I hope she sleeps the entire night. My luck she'll get up at 5am bright eyed and bushy "hair". =}
Cheer Camp goin well this week, its only 4 days long. Girl Scout camp out is coming up on saturday. Gamma Cille will be here sat morning to watch the chunkey girl while the skinny girl and I drive to abq. I didnt give it much thought, but now Im nervous about leaving the baby. DC is suppose to be here with the baby and gamma. I think I'll be the one that has separation anxiety.
Ms. Toni we would love to be penpals with TJ. I have yet to mail off his package of goodies. It'll happen soon I promise. Rhyan started an email acct and has sent you a message. If you receive, please confirm with a reply. Thanks! By the way, How many siblings do you have.
Dry as ever here in smalltown, NM. We need rain. Two big fires broke, one, in southern AZ, and the other in Santa Fe. All the Southwest type 1 crews were at the Horseshoe fire including DC's IHC crew. But as of today they were released, when they return - if the Santa FE fire blows up (gets outta hand) and his Crew is committed, he TOO will leave with 'em. Boo HOO!
DC bought me my very own sleeping bag today for the campout. YAhoo! My very first EVER! Yes, really! hard to believe I know, but ive always had handme downs from my older brother. So you can imagine the excitement! After everyone went to sleep I removed it from its pouch - unrolled - and climbed in! AWE! that was nice. I relaxed and made myself comfy, almost falling asleep on living rm flr. What a goober, right?! =] have a great day 2moro. I know Ill definitely try.
HIndsight: I told DC what I did with the facebook acct and he said big mistake. It was very rude. YOu think so? whatcha think. email me at rlgishi@msn.com
PROACTIV works...
when you use it. Its difficult to use everyday in a 3 step process that takes all of 10 or 15mins to wash my face.
I just dont have that time to be away from the kids.
Reagan loves to eat. Ive tried my hand at homemade baby food and Im quite proud of myself. DC and I love it and So DOES REAGAN. Have this book that my sister-in-law gave me 6 yrs ago. Never had the opportunity to use recipes in it for Ry. Rhyan never liked baby food and ate only applesauce 24/7 ,365 days for 3 yrs. Until the day we drove thru the McD's food to go window! oops!
SO IM making baby food purees and I have also found this awesome site on the web, wholesome baby food dot com. I think thats the address. I will link it to my blog.
Im afraid of SIDS and WHooping COugh!
NOthing more depressing than the moment you take notice that you ARE DEPRESSED. That moment came when I looked at the time (1:37am) and my regular shows have stopped showing and the tv network has turned its time over to INFOMERCIALS! yuk! blah!
goodnite!
I just dont have that time to be away from the kids.
Reagan loves to eat. Ive tried my hand at homemade baby food and Im quite proud of myself. DC and I love it and So DOES REAGAN. Have this book that my sister-in-law gave me 6 yrs ago. Never had the opportunity to use recipes in it for Ry. Rhyan never liked baby food and ate only applesauce 24/7 ,365 days for 3 yrs. Until the day we drove thru the McD's food to go window! oops!
SO IM making baby food purees and I have also found this awesome site on the web, wholesome baby food dot com. I think thats the address. I will link it to my blog.
Im afraid of SIDS and WHooping COugh!
NOthing more depressing than the moment you take notice that you ARE DEPRESSED. That moment came when I looked at the time (1:37am) and my regular shows have stopped showing and the tv network has turned its time over to INFOMERCIALS! yuk! blah!
goodnite!
no one is jumping off the deep end
okay, okay. Before u all start to worry Im going off the deep end. HOld UP!
Im performing an "upchuck", if you will, of everything that is nonsense. I have noticed that I have too many outwardly influences molding an unhealthy way of thinking. TV, movies, envy of REAL people I know, as opposed to tv celebrity peeps!
Yeah its nonsense to cut real people outta my life but If I find myself not having healthy thoughts about them and how they influence me - then I need to take a break from them - or it all. Envy is one root of evil that lurks in our lives. I have found myself depressed b/c im COMPARING myself to these other peeps. Im obsessed with what their doing, what their thinking, where their going... and I say why am i not doing that, why cant I go there, and why cant I be more positive and happy like them. And Im missing the whole picture = MY FAMILY!
I have priorities here that are being ignored. Yes im present with my family but im not emotionally connecting with them. I run the everyday like a robot and my finish line I look fwd to everyday is bedtime. ITs my first thought when I wake up, right before I hit the snooze button and jump in the shower.
"What do I have to endure before I can put these kids back to sleep and not look around the house and see all that HAS TO BE DONE."
honestly, i try to stay away from the house as much as possible. lol. because when Im away, theres no constant reminder that the carpet needs cleaning, the laundry is piling up again, the baby needs diapers, the rash is coming back, rhy is talking improper english, DC hasnt cleaned up his side of the closet, what do I fix for dinner, Im still havent started to lose weight, Im running to the pantry again to find chocolate or another diet soda, My neighbor is still grumpy with me, my brother and I havent spoken in almost a year (or has it been longer than a year), i havent hugged my niece and nephew in that same amt of time, I miss ole friends and I dont know what I did to lose their friendship, my father has another family and the list goes on and on and on and on............................
These are a bit of what im dealing with. I know everyone has probs but this is my case and that was me telling you, " oh by the way FYI!"
have a nice day. have any suggestions, email rlgishi@msn.com
Im performing an "upchuck", if you will, of everything that is nonsense. I have noticed that I have too many outwardly influences molding an unhealthy way of thinking. TV, movies, envy of REAL people I know, as opposed to tv celebrity peeps!
Yeah its nonsense to cut real people outta my life but If I find myself not having healthy thoughts about them and how they influence me - then I need to take a break from them - or it all. Envy is one root of evil that lurks in our lives. I have found myself depressed b/c im COMPARING myself to these other peeps. Im obsessed with what their doing, what their thinking, where their going... and I say why am i not doing that, why cant I go there, and why cant I be more positive and happy like them. And Im missing the whole picture = MY FAMILY!
I have priorities here that are being ignored. Yes im present with my family but im not emotionally connecting with them. I run the everyday like a robot and my finish line I look fwd to everyday is bedtime. ITs my first thought when I wake up, right before I hit the snooze button and jump in the shower.
"What do I have to endure before I can put these kids back to sleep and not look around the house and see all that HAS TO BE DONE."
honestly, i try to stay away from the house as much as possible. lol. because when Im away, theres no constant reminder that the carpet needs cleaning, the laundry is piling up again, the baby needs diapers, the rash is coming back, rhy is talking improper english, DC hasnt cleaned up his side of the closet, what do I fix for dinner, Im still havent started to lose weight, Im running to the pantry again to find chocolate or another diet soda, My neighbor is still grumpy with me, my brother and I havent spoken in almost a year (or has it been longer than a year), i havent hugged my niece and nephew in that same amt of time, I miss ole friends and I dont know what I did to lose their friendship, my father has another family and the list goes on and on and on and on............................
These are a bit of what im dealing with. I know everyone has probs but this is my case and that was me telling you, " oh by the way FYI!"
have a nice day. have any suggestions, email rlgishi@msn.com
6/1/10
Sleep, oh what a feeling!
She sleeps! I couldnt be happier to report that Reagan has been sleeping for three days now. AHHHH! What relief for me. Im able to rest in the day now. Life is great!
Just dont realize how precious rest is until you arent able to get it.
Say an awareness ad for whooping cough! AWE!!!!!!!! scary. not good for a neurotic mom like me to see. lol.
Im so irritated by the whole facebook thing. I just cleaned house and possibly will delete my facebook account.
I deleted about 20 friends from having facebook access to what I write. Im all about the privacy now. Atleast to the people I know wont understand me.
I have diverted bak to my ole ways and my ole way of thinking. Im tired of trying to live the way I think Im suppose to be as a "mother". I have loss myself in all the mix thus I feel like I have to limit my contact with everyone new in my life. Inorder to channel my ole self. Silly, but thats what I think is good for now. Maybe im limiting myself and may fall deeper into a depressed state - only time will tell.
YOu know what makes me sick. To look at my walls and think that I HAVE TO GET PROFESSIONAL PORTraits of my family. BUY expensive frames to display these picts and place them just right on the wall. to parade for the whole world (atleast the portion of the world that comes thru my front door). lol. Really its an epidemic - spending unnecessarily really!
So Any of you facebookers that I deleted - that read my blog - sorry! Really I am but i just had to get rid of it all. Its making me depressed. Someone wants to be your "friend" but doesnt send you a message for like, oh say, months. Yea right! what a friend. So rather than pick and choose who to keep and who to drop... I dropped everyone! or a nicer way to say it... I deleted them all. Saying I dropped them makes it sound as if I hate these people. WHICH IS SOOOO NOT THE CASE!
BE PATIENT WITH ME: IM HAVING A ROUGH TIME RIGHT NOW! =}
Just dont realize how precious rest is until you arent able to get it.
Say an awareness ad for whooping cough! AWE!!!!!!!! scary. not good for a neurotic mom like me to see. lol.
Im so irritated by the whole facebook thing. I just cleaned house and possibly will delete my facebook account.
I deleted about 20 friends from having facebook access to what I write. Im all about the privacy now. Atleast to the people I know wont understand me.
I have diverted bak to my ole ways and my ole way of thinking. Im tired of trying to live the way I think Im suppose to be as a "mother". I have loss myself in all the mix thus I feel like I have to limit my contact with everyone new in my life. Inorder to channel my ole self. Silly, but thats what I think is good for now. Maybe im limiting myself and may fall deeper into a depressed state - only time will tell.
YOu know what makes me sick. To look at my walls and think that I HAVE TO GET PROFESSIONAL PORTraits of my family. BUY expensive frames to display these picts and place them just right on the wall. to parade for the whole world (atleast the portion of the world that comes thru my front door). lol. Really its an epidemic - spending unnecessarily really!
So Any of you facebookers that I deleted - that read my blog - sorry! Really I am but i just had to get rid of it all. Its making me depressed. Someone wants to be your "friend" but doesnt send you a message for like, oh say, months. Yea right! what a friend. So rather than pick and choose who to keep and who to drop... I dropped everyone! or a nicer way to say it... I deleted them all. Saying I dropped them makes it sound as if I hate these people. WHICH IS SOOOO NOT THE CASE!
BE PATIENT WITH ME: IM HAVING A ROUGH TIME RIGHT NOW! =}
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