okay, okay. Before u all start to worry Im going off the deep end. HOld UP!
Im performing an "upchuck", if you will, of everything that is nonsense. I have noticed that I have too many outwardly influences molding an unhealthy way of thinking. TV, movies, envy of REAL people I know, as opposed to tv celebrity peeps!
Yeah its nonsense to cut real people outta my life but If I find myself not having healthy thoughts about them and how they influence me - then I need to take a break from them - or it all. Envy is one root of evil that lurks in our lives. I have found myself depressed b/c im COMPARING myself to these other peeps. Im obsessed with what their doing, what their thinking, where their going... and I say why am i not doing that, why cant I go there, and why cant I be more positive and happy like them. And Im missing the whole picture = MY FAMILY!
I have priorities here that are being ignored. Yes im present with my family but im not emotionally connecting with them. I run the everyday like a robot and my finish line I look fwd to everyday is bedtime. ITs my first thought when I wake up, right before I hit the snooze button and jump in the shower.
"What do I have to endure before I can put these kids back to sleep and not look around the house and see all that HAS TO BE DONE."
honestly, i try to stay away from the house as much as possible. lol. because when Im away, theres no constant reminder that the carpet needs cleaning, the laundry is piling up again, the baby needs diapers, the rash is coming back, rhy is talking improper english, DC hasnt cleaned up his side of the closet, what do I fix for dinner, Im still havent started to lose weight, Im running to the pantry again to find chocolate or another diet soda, My neighbor is still grumpy with me, my brother and I havent spoken in almost a year (or has it been longer than a year), i havent hugged my niece and nephew in that same amt of time, I miss ole friends and I dont know what I did to lose their friendship, my father has another family and the list goes on and on and on and on............................
These are a bit of what im dealing with. I know everyone has probs but this is my case and that was me telling you, " oh by the way FYI!"
have a nice day. have any suggestions, email rlgishi@msn.com
