Hello Hello Ladies
I'm back. I have come to find out that its so much easier and less stressful for ME if I go grocery shopping at 4am. Hubby wakes up at 630am. Gets kids up and feeds and dresses them while i shower EVERY MORNING. How great is he? So While Im out shopping from 430am to 7am, everything is under control at home. I dont have to lug the baby out to the store at 8am, in the cold, and shop with all the other government wives on Fed Govt payday. lol.
Believe me, it gets extremely crazy around here.
So if any of you read post regarding my baked good gifts. Ive thrown in the towel and found an easier solution... Libby's Pumpkin Bread kit. Yahoo! So as I type I have 11 mini loaves in oven, 350'F for 50mins. yippee!
While waiting for Rhyan to be dismissed yesterday at school i searched mobile web for a recipe. Found one on Foodnetwork site by one Cathy Lowe. But it seemed to difficult for me. It called for all sorts of modifications such as, splitting gran. sugar portion to half white sugar and half brown sugar. adding a "lil" applesauce (how much? who knows), cut oil down to 3/4c. from 1c., use 2 c.pumpkin by volume not the 15oz can. too much for this newbie!
Christmas shopping is coming along. Reagan an i are getting to know each other and becoming good friends. We both still have our moments when we wish the other would go away but 4 now we luv one another.
Rhyan is happy this is the last week of school for the 2010 year. ME 2!
Dominick is out burning again. The received their funds and are crankin' out smoke on BIA. lol!
This has been one crazy year! But i had fun on my journey this year as a new momof2. Two sure are different from 1.
Ms. TOni, Rhyan and I were gonna end our involvement with scouts 2. But I got myself in some deep water. Your readind the blog of the new girl scout troop leader for Rhys troop. The council here is gonna split the existing troop between me and the original leader. Hope I can learn from her mistakes and hope I dont fall on my face.
Reagan loves to sit and look at picture books and color on blank paper, for now. She doesnt try to eat the crayon nor the book. I love that shes growing fond of books and curious as why we sit with em every evening, im sure. *warm feeling*
So will let you know how bread turns out. I also purchased the Krusteaz mix and will bake that tonite when ubby is home.
There is an Al-NOn meeting to at 12pm and Im gona try to sit in. First time. Have avoided going since I first had that lil voice in my head urge me to go, in 2000.
Maybe it'll help me figure out why im so messed up. :0)
Love you all and dont give up on my posts. I will always come bak. I may not do it regularly but I will never leave u. and u neither, right?! :0) :o)
12/14/10
12/7/10
What has happened in the past 4 weeks?!?
Mommy has been such a grump lately that rhyan just said great mom is in Christmas spirit! Meaning yippee, mommy's mood is getting better. She says this as she sneaks a sip of my diet coke. URgh!!!
Three days ago, Reagan tried to get up and walk. Then on the third day of walking a step and falling. she Jumped up and took off like she'd been walking for weeks. Now, theres no stopping her. She had alot more confidence with ther new found talent. lol. She's getting into everything and enjoys exploring the house. Took her outside yesterday and she could believe her surroundings. She waddled off to the rocks and stopped to pik up a few leaves. (sorry, Ive been texting too much "pik".)
I have no pictures to post, sadly, because the camera is missing. Reagan loves to hide things now. Im positive she put the camera somewhere or tossed in garbage.
have to stop typing now, because im being forced to go get dinner from a drive thru. TO be continued......
Three days ago, Reagan tried to get up and walk. Then on the third day of walking a step and falling. she Jumped up and took off like she'd been walking for weeks. Now, theres no stopping her. She had alot more confidence with ther new found talent. lol. She's getting into everything and enjoys exploring the house. Took her outside yesterday and she could believe her surroundings. She waddled off to the rocks and stopped to pik up a few leaves. (sorry, Ive been texting too much "pik".)
I have no pictures to post, sadly, because the camera is missing. Reagan loves to hide things now. Im positive she put the camera somewhere or tossed in garbage.
have to stop typing now, because im being forced to go get dinner from a drive thru. TO be continued......
Rants from a Diabetic
A few things to complain about.
First I hate that I cant cook well.
I’m mad that Walmart has decided to stop carrying a few items we live on 24/7. Such as, Dannon lite and fit carb control for Diabetics, State Farm BEEF corndogs. BAD MOVE Dannon yogurt company!!
And I’m mad that Clean and Clear has stop making their foam face wash. In a foam pump bottle. They replaced it with this yucky thick gel that feels heavy even after you rinse off. I have terrible acne breakouts. When I found this light salicylic acid foam wash in 1993, I was instantly in love. Been using it for 17 yrs and now I have to resort to proactive. Bad move Clean and Clear! Lost this customer.
Oh yeah! And not to mention…. Slimfast company! Hey you hear me!
I’m still fuming that you have discontinued the low carb milkshakes. It had (in a 12ozs can) 6 grams of carbs. HATe HATe YOU! If I could start a blog solely for hating you everyday for this move. I WOULD!
These items were , besides the face wash, were staples to my low carb high protein diet. That really helped me lose pounds and pounds of fat.
Now on to the Holiday shopping. I envy those people with very few family connections. Sounds rough right? I mean how much of a grinch I am.
I get major anxiety every Christmas. For instance, I suggested to Dom that we complete all holiday shopping before nov. 30th. In hopes, to spend more quality time with our girls. Every year almost every night and more so closer to Dec 25th, we run around in the evenings trying to find gifts for everyone on the list. I hate it. because we have no time to bake, read, craft, or movie watch ALL together. This is suppose to be good quality time and I miss out on it every year.
Were almost there and our lists are almost complete. But im trying to take the frugal road with distant family and friends. You know. Not get too spendy but still give ‘em something that says “hey I appreciate you”. So I came up with this idea for baskets filled with cookies and sweet breads. Pre-bake and freeze until needed. But I’m at a lost for a real awesome and yummy knockout baked item for each basket. I could put lots of mediocre baked goods or ONE completely awesome yum-o treat.
I have a lot of baskets to make and a lot of peeps to think about. So you tell me if the following is ok. Too much! Or just right! Please I need your help ladies. Send reply to rlgishi@msn.com
Your input is much appreciated! -R
“People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.”
A few things to complain about.
First I hate that I cant cook well.
I’m mad that Walmart has decided to stop carrying a few items we live on 24/7. Such as, Dannon lite and fit carb control for Diabetics, State Farm BEEF corndogs. BAD MOVE Dannon yogurt company!!
And I’m mad that Clean and Clear has stop making their foam face wash. In a foam pump bottle. They replaced it with this yucky thick gel that feels heavy even after you rinse off. I have terrible acne breakouts. When I found this light salicylic acid foam wash in 1993, I was instantly in love. Been using it for 17 yrs and now I have to resort to proactive. Bad move Clean and Clear! Lost this customer.
Oh yeah! And not to mention…. Slimfast company! Hey you hear me!
I’m still fuming that you have discontinued the low carb milkshakes. It had (in a 12ozs can) 6 grams of carbs. HATe HATe YOU! If I could start a blog solely for hating you everyday for this move. I WOULD!
These items were , besides the face wash, were staples to my low carb high protein diet. That really helped me lose pounds and pounds of fat.
Now on to the Holiday shopping. I envy those people with very few family connections. Sounds rough right? I mean how much of a grinch I am.
I get major anxiety every Christmas. For instance, I suggested to Dom that we complete all holiday shopping before nov. 30th. In hopes, to spend more quality time with our girls. Every year almost every night and more so closer to Dec 25th, we run around in the evenings trying to find gifts for everyone on the list. I hate it. because we have no time to bake, read, craft, or movie watch ALL together. This is suppose to be good quality time and I miss out on it every year.
Were almost there and our lists are almost complete. But im trying to take the frugal road with distant family and friends. You know. Not get too spendy but still give ‘em something that says “hey I appreciate you”. So I came up with this idea for baskets filled with cookies and sweet breads. Pre-bake and freeze until needed. But I’m at a lost for a real awesome and yummy knockout baked item for each basket. I could put lots of mediocre baked goods or ONE completely awesome yum-o treat.
I have a lot of baskets to make and a lot of peeps to think about. So you tell me if the following is ok. Too much! Or just right! Please I need your help ladies. Send reply to rlgishi@msn.com
Your input is much appreciated! -R
“People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.”
11/3/10
Whats Ive been up 2?
Well as of 9:58am this morning. On my drive home from the Chiropractor, the baby fell asleep in th car. Far be it for me to wake her from her nap.
Ive worked out tradegies to situations such as this one.
1. get power inverter for power outlet in car.
2. obtain magazines, book, or laptop.
3. notebook, for "to do list" rough draft.
4. thank the Lord and my aunt an uncle for wireless modem.
5. obtain fattening snacks and diet soda for minimum one hr self entertainment.
6. sit back and watch as neighbors peek heads from curtains wondering what THIS crazy person is doing in driveway and NOT inside her house!
Its now, 12:00pm and shes still asleep but i think my car battery is dead. Jammin' out to music in driveway. Hah! (yea, thats right. I said "Jammin").
Ive worked out tradegies to situations such as this one.
1. get power inverter for power outlet in car.
2. obtain magazines, book, or laptop.
3. notebook, for "to do list" rough draft.
4. thank the Lord and my aunt an uncle for wireless modem.
5. obtain fattening snacks and diet soda for minimum one hr self entertainment.
6. sit back and watch as neighbors peek heads from curtains wondering what THIS crazy person is doing in driveway and NOT inside her house!
Its now, 12:00pm and shes still asleep but i think my car battery is dead. Jammin' out to music in driveway. Hah! (yea, thats right. I said "Jammin").
SAHM Reclaims Individuality or selfishness?
When was the last time you felt pretty. Or Gorgeous at that?!
I'll tell you, its been over 10 years. It's 2010 and I can honestly say the las time I felt pretty for more than a day was in 1996. I weighed 125 lbs and in my first year of Junior College. I felt beautiful, briefly, when pregnant with Rhyan and Reagan. Really, I did. I loved being pregnant. I had an aunt of mine tell me this years, YYeeeaaarrrss ago! When I heard it then I thought she had to be living in a bubble. lol. But honestly I have to agree. I loved it, after the fact. Getting pregnant again is something we really would like but the last trauma I experienced makes me terrified what could happen next. So much that could go wrong with be pregnant.
I know, similar risks come from getting in the car day after day. Guess it doesnt mess u up in the head until it happens to you personally.
Back to my question...When was the last time you felt pretty good about your appearance or about your latest checkup from your doc? I guess what im asking is, are you happy with where your life is right now. Have you made all the right decisions for your life up to this point? You dont need to be thin to look beautiful. You can be 110 lbs, 5'10" and still look ugly because of your nasty behaviour. (who does she think she is, British?)
Im gonna try to be more pleasant with my interactions with my fellow human beings. I have been taking this high road for a while now. But i need to apply this principle to my extended aquaintances and family. On the same note, Im not gonna break my back tryin to keep in touch with peeps from years past. Reference to all those crazies that have 300+ "friends" on facebook. lol.
All my connections to people are close, intimate ones. I dont care to be in touch with people from high school that i havent had a conversation with in 20 yrs etc, etc.
I digress, back to my new outlook on mankind. hah! Also, I would like to make a proposal or challenge of sorts...To make you the best YOU, you can be. I read a quote somewhere from Judy Garland. It goes something like this:
Be the best You rather than a second rate someone else.
I didnt put quotation marks on it because its not the exact wordage. but you get it.
I have always looked at other people and wanted to copy or imitate them for their better qualities. But I have to find who RHonda really is. After, 33 yrs, Im finally asking similar questions. Shouldve had this revelation back in my early 20's right? lol. Im always late, at everything. Especially with a punch line.
Im always the blonde thats last to laugh.
"Ooooh! *laughing* I get it!"
I think God made a mistake with me. When he sent me down he forgot to send me with blonde roots.
Also I have to lose weight, because for me....its life or death. Being clinically catergorized as Type 2 Diabetic, 5'1" and 180+ pounds I could have a stroke, heart attack, or lose my vision sooner than later. I have more people to take care of and its my responsibility to be around for a long time to come. My ma seems to be worried bout my prospects of obtainging employment and my health. Although there is nothing seriously wrong she thinks im headed down a very destructive path of health problems to come. Maybe she speaks from experience and rather than fight her with "you dont know everything" I should listen.
Also this all comes after viewing my cousins beautiful wedding pictures from this past Sept. n Las Vegas. I saw all those people so happy and lively in the photos. My first thought was how wonderful to see a young couple marry and begin their adult lives together and how a family will soon follow. It brought a tear to my eye. Im so in love with love. yep, Im pathetic. My second thought...when was the last time I said yes to a photograph. When did I last feel comfortable in my own skin? In my clothes? IN JEANS?
I challenge you all that read this blog.
For 365 days, of making yourself a better person for YOU and then for your familia!
?Entiendes?
I'll tell you, its been over 10 years. It's 2010 and I can honestly say the las time I felt pretty for more than a day was in 1996. I weighed 125 lbs and in my first year of Junior College. I felt beautiful, briefly, when pregnant with Rhyan and Reagan. Really, I did. I loved being pregnant. I had an aunt of mine tell me this years, YYeeeaaarrrss ago! When I heard it then I thought she had to be living in a bubble. lol. But honestly I have to agree. I loved it, after the fact. Getting pregnant again is something we really would like but the last trauma I experienced makes me terrified what could happen next. So much that could go wrong with be pregnant.
I know, similar risks come from getting in the car day after day. Guess it doesnt mess u up in the head until it happens to you personally.
Back to my question...When was the last time you felt pretty good about your appearance or about your latest checkup from your doc? I guess what im asking is, are you happy with where your life is right now. Have you made all the right decisions for your life up to this point? You dont need to be thin to look beautiful. You can be 110 lbs, 5'10" and still look ugly because of your nasty behaviour. (who does she think she is, British?)
Im gonna try to be more pleasant with my interactions with my fellow human beings. I have been taking this high road for a while now. But i need to apply this principle to my extended aquaintances and family. On the same note, Im not gonna break my back tryin to keep in touch with peeps from years past. Reference to all those crazies that have 300+ "friends" on facebook. lol.
All my connections to people are close, intimate ones. I dont care to be in touch with people from high school that i havent had a conversation with in 20 yrs etc, etc.
I digress, back to my new outlook on mankind. hah! Also, I would like to make a proposal or challenge of sorts...To make you the best YOU, you can be. I read a quote somewhere from Judy Garland. It goes something like this:
Be the best You rather than a second rate someone else.
I didnt put quotation marks on it because its not the exact wordage. but you get it.
I have always looked at other people and wanted to copy or imitate them for their better qualities. But I have to find who RHonda really is. After, 33 yrs, Im finally asking similar questions. Shouldve had this revelation back in my early 20's right? lol. Im always late, at everything. Especially with a punch line.
Im always the blonde thats last to laugh.
"Ooooh! *laughing* I get it!"
I think God made a mistake with me. When he sent me down he forgot to send me with blonde roots.
Also I have to lose weight, because for me....its life or death. Being clinically catergorized as Type 2 Diabetic, 5'1" and 180+ pounds I could have a stroke, heart attack, or lose my vision sooner than later. I have more people to take care of and its my responsibility to be around for a long time to come. My ma seems to be worried bout my prospects of obtainging employment and my health. Although there is nothing seriously wrong she thinks im headed down a very destructive path of health problems to come. Maybe she speaks from experience and rather than fight her with "you dont know everything" I should listen.
Also this all comes after viewing my cousins beautiful wedding pictures from this past Sept. n Las Vegas. I saw all those people so happy and lively in the photos. My first thought was how wonderful to see a young couple marry and begin their adult lives together and how a family will soon follow. It brought a tear to my eye. Im so in love with love. yep, Im pathetic. My second thought...when was the last time I said yes to a photograph. When did I last feel comfortable in my own skin? In my clothes? IN JEANS?
I challenge you all that read this blog.
For 365 days, of making yourself a better person for YOU and then for your familia!
?Entiendes?
10/4/10
Girl Scout MAGNUT Sale 2010
Rhyan's Daisy troop is selling Magazines, Nuts, and chocolates!!! Yum yum yum!
Call me, txt or email me if you'd like to buy. There $5 and $6. Delivered to us on Nov. 15th and I will ship out by the 17th via USPS.
A. WHOLE CASHEWS $6
A classic favorite roasted and salted to perfection. 8 oz.
B. MINT MELTWAYS $6
The smoothest chocolate with a hint of mint. 6 oz.
C. CHOCOLATE COVERED PEANUTS $6
Crunchy peanuts dipped in smooth milk chocolate. 10oz.
D. CHOCOLATE COVERED RAISINS $6
The plumpest raisins covered in smooth milk chocolate. 11oz.
E. PISTACHIOS $6
Natural pistachios roasted and salted in the shell. 7.5 oz.
F. CRANBERRY NUT MIX $5
A tasty mix of peanuts, raisins, cranberries, cashews, banana chips, almonds, and walnuts. 7 oz.
G. BUTTER TOASTED PEANUTS $5
LIghtly toasted peanuts with a buttery flavor. 10oz.
H. DELUXE PECAN CLUSTERS $5
Crunchy pecan clusters covered in caramel and milk chocolate (turtles) 5 oz.
I. PEANUT BUTTER DREAMS $5
A scrumptious treat made of peanut utter and milk chocolate (i.e. Reeses peanut butter cups). 5 oz.
J. HOT CAJUN CRUNCH $5
Cajun corn sticks, seasoned peanuts, pretzels, and sesame sticks. 7oz.
K. FRUIT SLICES $5
Fat free! Chewy fruit slices in an asst of flavors (faux candy fruit slices coated with granulated sugar). 14oz.
Thanks you all!
-ron
My First Clickstart Computer for Preschooler FOR SALE
USED.
$15.00
age: 3-5 yr olds.
Comes with AC power adapter. Rhyan had many fun-filled afternoons with this learning game system. We have graduated to Vtech V motion system and she loves that. Listed this on Ebay.com but not sure if it'll sell.
10/3/10
Reagan the Jumpin Bean!
After reading babyfood website I found Reagan can eat Cheerios and yogurt. Well much more than that but these items were the only 2 on hand from her "list". She took well to liking the cheerios and gobbled down 2 ounces of my yogurt. Since this video she has eaten many adult foods. Such as, macaroni, string cheese, pancakes, avocados, bananas, egg yolk for now. We'll see how well she takes to mommies meat ground up in processor and mixed with baby food flavors like pears and applesauce. Im so happy she's eaten more than Rhyan ever did. Also have to consider the 2 of em were raised in different situations. Rhyan was on the go from one state to the next and didnt get much attention as an infant or toddler. Versus Reagan, shes in a more stable home and hardly gets to travel. I have more time to nuture Reagan than Rhyan ever received. poor Ry! But in the end were glad thats all over with and we're just fine in our humble surroundings! My mom gave Reagan that Navajo doll (its a candy jar topper or toilet paper roll cover thingy). From the moment we took it outta the bag she has been mesmerized by that doll. Why? We think its the shiny accessories the doll wears. Has to be. Or maybe its because Reagan notices the dolls chubby cheeks are much like hers. lol. Either way she gets a treat every so often and pull off the shelf. So she can love the dollie! See how calm she is with it. We've had to teach her to be gentle.You see how rough she is with the highchair. Thats a sample of how she plays with Rhyan. She is getin better at recognizing the calm voice and not swinging like a cavewoman at people, food, or toys. lol Either way, calm or crazy - we still love her. :o)
9/28/10
Im back!!!
Well, i have a picky eater on my hands. Or, she's tired of being spoon fed.
Back to the drawing board.
I rely on a wholesomebabyfood.com for all my questions on feeding baby. Its alot more helpful than the pediatricians in this town. They really never have any definitive answers that seems to suggest DO THIS or TRY THIS. Their answers are always too vague for me.
One peds profesional told me it was O.K. to give the baby (at age 6months) tap water. She had to have been on crack! Im not super neurotic about ORGANIC this and ORGANIC that. Dont get me wrong. I just dont trust the employees of the water filtration plant. They way this town works, everyone 'roun here cuts corners at the time. Whos to say one day, one employee comes to work lazy and decides things DONT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE PRECISE. huh? that would be the day i give my child tap water. LAter, find out that everyone has to be quaratined for an illness brought on by an organism not typical to thrive in tap water. Murphy's Law people.
So im back online reading. trying to find what solid foods are ok for Reagan. She gets finicky when I try to feed her from a spoon. But, place puffs or yougurt melts in her reach and she'll tear em up. She stares at our food when we eat and fusses when we dont offer our food to her. Yesterday, Rhyan and I were savoring our sugar-free popsicle when Reagan decided to let out a chilling shriek. Needless to say she got our attention and we could see the trance she was in - staring, yearning for a taste. I figured whats the harm, right? mistake. huge.
I had to give up the popsicle and later cleaned it off the highchair belts, her hair, under many layers of chubbiness called a neck, between fingers, and the tray. Yes, it was fun to watch. Alarming really. How well she took control of that popsicle and devoured it. Not hesitation to the intense cold. She woofed it down and let large bites slowly melt away in her mouth. Rhyan to this day still spits out her bites, holds it in her hand, while mommy watches the juice drip from the fingers and screaming, "GET A BOWL".
So yes, Reagan is my lil cookie monster. She hasnt tried cookies yet. She just eats like the dude! shoving food in her mouth like its gonna disappear into thin air if she doesnt whoof it down immediately. lol.
Reading the website, ive realized I can give her alot more solid foods than i anticipated. Thinking shes geting tired of jarred baby food. So back to the kitchen to dust off the food processor and begin the search for the right food she'll eat. *sigh*
Back to the drawing board.
I rely on a wholesomebabyfood.com for all my questions on feeding baby. Its alot more helpful than the pediatricians in this town. They really never have any definitive answers that seems to suggest DO THIS or TRY THIS. Their answers are always too vague for me.
One peds profesional told me it was O.K. to give the baby (at age 6months) tap water. She had to have been on crack! Im not super neurotic about ORGANIC this and ORGANIC that. Dont get me wrong. I just dont trust the employees of the water filtration plant. They way this town works, everyone 'roun here cuts corners at the time. Whos to say one day, one employee comes to work lazy and decides things DONT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE PRECISE. huh? that would be the day i give my child tap water. LAter, find out that everyone has to be quaratined for an illness brought on by an organism not typical to thrive in tap water. Murphy's Law people.
So im back online reading. trying to find what solid foods are ok for Reagan. She gets finicky when I try to feed her from a spoon. But, place puffs or yougurt melts in her reach and she'll tear em up. She stares at our food when we eat and fusses when we dont offer our food to her. Yesterday, Rhyan and I were savoring our sugar-free popsicle when Reagan decided to let out a chilling shriek. Needless to say she got our attention and we could see the trance she was in - staring, yearning for a taste. I figured whats the harm, right? mistake. huge.
I had to give up the popsicle and later cleaned it off the highchair belts, her hair, under many layers of chubbiness called a neck, between fingers, and the tray. Yes, it was fun to watch. Alarming really. How well she took control of that popsicle and devoured it. Not hesitation to the intense cold. She woofed it down and let large bites slowly melt away in her mouth. Rhyan to this day still spits out her bites, holds it in her hand, while mommy watches the juice drip from the fingers and screaming, "GET A BOWL".
So yes, Reagan is my lil cookie monster. She hasnt tried cookies yet. She just eats like the dude! shoving food in her mouth like its gonna disappear into thin air if she doesnt whoof it down immediately. lol.
Reading the website, ive realized I can give her alot more solid foods than i anticipated. Thinking shes geting tired of jarred baby food. So back to the kitchen to dust off the food processor and begin the search for the right food she'll eat. *sigh*
7/29/10
This summer has gone extremely fast. I havent had time to be consistent with Rhyans summer school lessons, like I would have wanted to.
Rhyan hasnt been to the park with me all summer. can you believe that. unreal right. well its true.
Life has been so unpredicatable and tiresome since June. Dom has been gone almost all summer it feels like. Its ridiculous really. I dont know how women send their husbands away for war or to work on an oil rig for months on end. I just dont know. They must have a strong support system helping them at home. Me? no.
I had to pay one of Dom's family members just to come over and help. Really I did. $10 an hour thats how really.
Initially I hired her for 2 hrs in the mornings so I could get to the gym. Well I dont know what made her decide 10 an hour but its toooo rich for my blood. She was hired for 2 hrs for the next 5 weeks, until school starts. But now Ive reduced the time to an hour a day. still at 10 an hr thats $50 a week. Just to get in some exercise and alone time. LEt me tell you. This morning I felt it was every bit necessary. as I walked around the neighborhood and had time to think in the silence. I figured whatha hay! Just for 60 minutes of that much happiness. Im taking full advantage of it.
Reagan still cries all day everyday. I cant take it. Im so tired. I would just like sometime when I dont have to hear crying. TOnight as I put her to sleep I could handle it anymore. I sat on the bed with my ears covered watching her. As she crawled ever so carfully in the dark toward my feet. Of course rhy was crying too. Yelling at me that I was the worse mom ever and how could I do that to her sister. That is let her cry while I watched her.
Dom has been gone only 3 days and we have 11 more to go. But that doesnt include the one day to de-mob (signout and get traveling papers) and the 2 days to drive home from south cali. Hes at the Bull Fire in KernValley, CA. My Birthday was yesterday and I spent it with a screaming kid in very hot weather.
If we could just stay home I know the baby would be ok. But I neglected the shopping for 2 weeks and decided to tackle that chore when DC got called out to California. Ugh! way to go rhonda. leaving it to the las minute. Plus I started a project in the front yard in early June and its still not complete. IT was a project that was only suppose to take 1 week to complete. But ive run into soo many problems its not even funny now. Ive resorted to hiring a handyman to finish was I started.
I tried to lay patio stones in the front yard. I pulled tons of decorative gravel from a 8 ft by 22 ft section. Moved 15 barrels of dirt to level. Purchased and moved (all bymyself) 178 patio stones from home depot. That each way 23 pounds. Loaded into our truck bymyself with two very grouchy kids on 4 separate trips over a 45 day span. Did most of the work outside while the baby sat in the stroller and rhy played in the mud. After days an days of reagan outside and breaking out in bloody eczema rashes in the heat and countless nat bites on her head. I surrendered to asking my neighbor to help out in the mornings.
Well she cant help but only on some days and even then there few and FAR between. See her hubby is not a nice man. He doesnt like her visiting with anyone outside the home when hes home. Hes a medical flight paramedic. SO he sits home waiting her calls. But he has these days called admin days that rquire him away from home at a set time. 8am to 5pm. Those days are when she can help. So she was watching the kids 730am to 12pm for about 3 weeks. Which basically worked out to 4 or 5 actual days over a 3 or 4 wk period. Not much time to get anything done. So even then I was still fumbling over what to do. I had to left feet and all thumbs trying to do this DIY project. Im sure all the drive bys laughed hysterically at all my mistakes.
So Dominick returned from his 17 day assignment promising to help. But got to involved with problems at work and didnt have time for my stuff. Then life got in the way. Other people needed help and we had to leave for days on end out of state. then we returned and monsoon hit. Its been raining everyday for almost a month now. Horrific. Dom finally installed our rain barrel which is great for the foundation but a complete eye sore. Yuk! super Ugly.But a relief for us and the neighbor. Sunday us and our 6 ft neighbor were outside scoooping buckets of rain water from the excavated yard in the rain. Inknow sounds so unreal, but honest im telling the truth. in the rain we had to unscrew the douwnspout and install the bucket. it was a mess. we were drenched. lol.
ill have to post pictures of my yard and show you all what a catastrophe it really is.
Can you count how many times in this post I used the word, "really" and "real". Its my word of the day.
So now Im waiting for my handyman to show and he promises to get the pation done in 4 hrs. But we'll have to see. I hope this guy doesnt flake on me. My life is crazy. For 3 months or maybe four months now, I havent been to sacrament at my church. Dumb really. But its all because Im on my own and even when dom is home he has decided to stop goin to churhc with us. which upsets the whole family structure. He says he will keep the baby at home to make things easier on me. But Church is for the whole family and I want to take the baby and ry even if its a hassle and takes us 5 hrs to get there. We make it for my primary lesson i have to teach and for the last hour but we cant make it on time to the first hour. which is the most important. ugh!
I think alot has to do with being chewed out by the bishop for being late. everyone in the congregation got it during a sermon months ago and its stuck in my head. If we do make it and were only 20 mins or 30 mins late we sit in my class and listen on the speaker system. Which is nice cuz reagan can crawl all over the room while we listen. But its still not the same. I love to sing in the chapel and in the classrm its just not the same. But we get to church one way or another. pray it gets better for us. :o)
luv you all have to get ot bed cuz the sitter is coming at 730a. and remember I only have her for an hour. lol
Rhyan hasnt been to the park with me all summer. can you believe that. unreal right. well its true.
Life has been so unpredicatable and tiresome since June. Dom has been gone almost all summer it feels like. Its ridiculous really. I dont know how women send their husbands away for war or to work on an oil rig for months on end. I just dont know. They must have a strong support system helping them at home. Me? no.
I had to pay one of Dom's family members just to come over and help. Really I did. $10 an hour thats how really.
Initially I hired her for 2 hrs in the mornings so I could get to the gym. Well I dont know what made her decide 10 an hour but its toooo rich for my blood. She was hired for 2 hrs for the next 5 weeks, until school starts. But now Ive reduced the time to an hour a day. still at 10 an hr thats $50 a week. Just to get in some exercise and alone time. LEt me tell you. This morning I felt it was every bit necessary. as I walked around the neighborhood and had time to think in the silence. I figured whatha hay! Just for 60 minutes of that much happiness. Im taking full advantage of it.
Reagan still cries all day everyday. I cant take it. Im so tired. I would just like sometime when I dont have to hear crying. TOnight as I put her to sleep I could handle it anymore. I sat on the bed with my ears covered watching her. As she crawled ever so carfully in the dark toward my feet. Of course rhy was crying too. Yelling at me that I was the worse mom ever and how could I do that to her sister. That is let her cry while I watched her.
Dom has been gone only 3 days and we have 11 more to go. But that doesnt include the one day to de-mob (signout and get traveling papers) and the 2 days to drive home from south cali. Hes at the Bull Fire in KernValley, CA. My Birthday was yesterday and I spent it with a screaming kid in very hot weather.
If we could just stay home I know the baby would be ok. But I neglected the shopping for 2 weeks and decided to tackle that chore when DC got called out to California. Ugh! way to go rhonda. leaving it to the las minute. Plus I started a project in the front yard in early June and its still not complete. IT was a project that was only suppose to take 1 week to complete. But ive run into soo many problems its not even funny now. Ive resorted to hiring a handyman to finish was I started.
I tried to lay patio stones in the front yard. I pulled tons of decorative gravel from a 8 ft by 22 ft section. Moved 15 barrels of dirt to level. Purchased and moved (all bymyself) 178 patio stones from home depot. That each way 23 pounds. Loaded into our truck bymyself with two very grouchy kids on 4 separate trips over a 45 day span. Did most of the work outside while the baby sat in the stroller and rhy played in the mud. After days an days of reagan outside and breaking out in bloody eczema rashes in the heat and countless nat bites on her head. I surrendered to asking my neighbor to help out in the mornings.
Well she cant help but only on some days and even then there few and FAR between. See her hubby is not a nice man. He doesnt like her visiting with anyone outside the home when hes home. Hes a medical flight paramedic. SO he sits home waiting her calls. But he has these days called admin days that rquire him away from home at a set time. 8am to 5pm. Those days are when she can help. So she was watching the kids 730am to 12pm for about 3 weeks. Which basically worked out to 4 or 5 actual days over a 3 or 4 wk period. Not much time to get anything done. So even then I was still fumbling over what to do. I had to left feet and all thumbs trying to do this DIY project. Im sure all the drive bys laughed hysterically at all my mistakes.
So Dominick returned from his 17 day assignment promising to help. But got to involved with problems at work and didnt have time for my stuff. Then life got in the way. Other people needed help and we had to leave for days on end out of state. then we returned and monsoon hit. Its been raining everyday for almost a month now. Horrific. Dom finally installed our rain barrel which is great for the foundation but a complete eye sore. Yuk! super Ugly.But a relief for us and the neighbor. Sunday us and our 6 ft neighbor were outside scoooping buckets of rain water from the excavated yard in the rain. Inknow sounds so unreal, but honest im telling the truth. in the rain we had to unscrew the douwnspout and install the bucket. it was a mess. we were drenched. lol.
ill have to post pictures of my yard and show you all what a catastrophe it really is.
Can you count how many times in this post I used the word, "really" and "real". Its my word of the day.
So now Im waiting for my handyman to show and he promises to get the pation done in 4 hrs. But we'll have to see. I hope this guy doesnt flake on me. My life is crazy. For 3 months or maybe four months now, I havent been to sacrament at my church. Dumb really. But its all because Im on my own and even when dom is home he has decided to stop goin to churhc with us. which upsets the whole family structure. He says he will keep the baby at home to make things easier on me. But Church is for the whole family and I want to take the baby and ry even if its a hassle and takes us 5 hrs to get there. We make it for my primary lesson i have to teach and for the last hour but we cant make it on time to the first hour. which is the most important. ugh!
I think alot has to do with being chewed out by the bishop for being late. everyone in the congregation got it during a sermon months ago and its stuck in my head. If we do make it and were only 20 mins or 30 mins late we sit in my class and listen on the speaker system. Which is nice cuz reagan can crawl all over the room while we listen. But its still not the same. I love to sing in the chapel and in the classrm its just not the same. But we get to church one way or another. pray it gets better for us. :o)
luv you all have to get ot bed cuz the sitter is coming at 730a. and remember I only have her for an hour. lol
7/10/10
Whats been going on in my life, you ask?
The hardest part about being a mother is being me.
If I complain were not getting out as much, its because of me.
If I whine about not being able to do the things I wanna do, its because Im the only one home with the kids for weeks on end.
If I cry its because Im soooooooooooooooooooooo Tired. I don’t get to bed at a descent hour, we don’t get out of the house in time cuz it takes mom 4ever to shower, dry hair, apply makeup, take vitamins, etc etc etc. Its all my fault. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I asked my mother-in-law to give me a lite, LIGHT, very loose permanent body wave. You know. That really nice tossed around beach hair wave. That nice early 90’s Jennifer Aniston wave. That was another FAIL!
She gave me one of the loosest (not) spiral perms, by her standards, Niicceee and loose. The roots of my hair were so tight and kinked it was horrific. She did it again. Back in 2005, I asked for a loose wave and she gave me a very tight perm. Yuk! I hated it. It looked like I walked outta 1985. If I had friends Im sure they would’ve been sayin, “ Hey, Ron, 1989 called , they want their hair back!!!”
My hair was long healthy and beautiful, I will show you in the next posting what my hair looked b4 and after. It was terrible and soo tight. I was a new mom and I wanted something that would limit my need to stand with curlers rolling an rolling for an hour.
I did it again with baby number 2.
I thought she just might get it right second time around. Needless to say I had to chop all my hair off AFTER attempting to straighten the curls (in 2005 not this time). Which only dried out my hair and made it very slimy. Not a good thing, Martha! NOT … A… Good… Thing!
Perms.
Just Don’t Do It.
So back to my story. I asked for another loose wave and again it came out tight. And Its too loose at the ends, the curls arent consistent so it looks like Rhyan rolled my hair with curlers. There are completely straight strands and next to that there are extremely tight curly strands.
Whatha!
So if I don’t curl my hair (which I wanted to avoid) I look like trash. I wanted to eliminate my need for all this fuss and I just dug my troubles deeper. So this is why it takes us sooooo long to get outta the house and arrive anywhere !!!!!!
On another note: For the past few months , who am I kidding, for years I’ve had this thing about tags. I cant stand them. I’ve always been too intimidated to cut them off. Thinking they hold extremely important secrets. Information that hold the key to unlocking the whereabouts of the weapons of mass destruction. NOT.
But really I have always been neurotic and think you never ever tear or cut off tags off anykind.
My parents never worried about things like this so I figured it wasn’t important.
That is, if it bothers you, take care if it ASAP.
So all 33 yrs of my life I tried to ignore this pet peeve. I will hold back no longer. Haha! I started cutting tags off clothing and furniture and such for over 6 months now. Its so liberating. Lol. Really it is.
I cant stand when the items get old and there sitting, staring at you, that faded, frayed, hideous looking TAG. Yucky tags no more if I can help it. Whoohoo! Three cheers for OCD people everywhere…
Hip Hip….., Hip Hip…., Hip Hip….!
On another, ‘nother note:
Got up at 6am this morning, took a shower (I live on the edge), COOKED BREAKFAST (can you believe it), put myself together and got out the door at 830 for grocery shopping in the crazy town. If your not at the store here shopping and ready for checkout by 10am. Forget it! Your stuck in a whole lotta mess. People from miles and miles around come to this border town to shop for everything. From eggs and milk to hay and oxyacetylene (arc welding gas). It’s a disaster in this town come EVERY Saturday! More so come the first and the 15th of the every month.
Breakfast in our house has been absent since b4 the baby was born. All we eat is cold cereal. Nomore pancakes, French toast, eggs, oatmeal, toast, coffee, juice, fresh fruit. I just don’t have the time. Its easiest to take the 3 minutes to pour into a bowl and be on our way. Really Reagan cries that much.
So this morning when I said I cooked breakfast I really over did. Although I wanted to do something nice for Rhyan I didn’t go all the way outta my way and make homemade pancakes from scratch, which she loves. I get annoyed with having to whisk the egg whites until peaks form and then fold into batter. That’s the most time consuming part about it. So I only made French toast. Now she loves them. But this morning I made the mistake of telling her there made with egg.
She hates eggs.
We’ve progressed within the past few years, her dad got her to eat boiled eggs.
But scrambled, the easiest for me to prepare, she despises ‘em.
So… she jumps outta bed and smells food. I tell her I made breakfast and she jumps for joy. She sits down to eat turkey bacon and her French toast with syrup. She’s scarfing it all down when I let out that lil bit of info that Ive so deceitfully concealed for years.
She freezes, stares at the plate and looks at her food as if Im feeding her cow intestines. DOH! She inspects every lil piece and said I used too much egg and she begins to gag. FAIL!
I messed up big time.
So in addition to my oatmeal, I’m eating French toast. ( I made so many this morning thinking for the rest of the weekend and into next week I would be able to pop em in the toaster. Well that’s not gonna work now. Its all goin in the trash. Not like I can freeze em and Dom or myself will eat em later. Dom wont eat em cuz there senseless carbs and I cant because Im already overweight and might as well be eating candy bars.)
*sigh*
Another atempt to be a good mom and I fail badly >:o(
If I complain were not getting out as much, its because of me.
If I whine about not being able to do the things I wanna do, its because Im the only one home with the kids for weeks on end.
If I cry its because Im soooooooooooooooooooooo Tired. I don’t get to bed at a descent hour, we don’t get out of the house in time cuz it takes mom 4ever to shower, dry hair, apply makeup, take vitamins, etc etc etc. Its all my fault. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I asked my mother-in-law to give me a lite, LIGHT, very loose permanent body wave. You know. That really nice tossed around beach hair wave. That nice early 90’s Jennifer Aniston wave. That was another FAIL!
She gave me one of the loosest (not) spiral perms, by her standards, Niicceee and loose. The roots of my hair were so tight and kinked it was horrific. She did it again. Back in 2005, I asked for a loose wave and she gave me a very tight perm. Yuk! I hated it. It looked like I walked outta 1985. If I had friends Im sure they would’ve been sayin, “ Hey, Ron, 1989 called , they want their hair back!!!”
My hair was long healthy and beautiful, I will show you in the next posting what my hair looked b4 and after. It was terrible and soo tight. I was a new mom and I wanted something that would limit my need to stand with curlers rolling an rolling for an hour.
I did it again with baby number 2.
I thought she just might get it right second time around. Needless to say I had to chop all my hair off AFTER attempting to straighten the curls (in 2005 not this time). Which only dried out my hair and made it very slimy. Not a good thing, Martha! NOT … A… Good… Thing!
Perms.
Just Don’t Do It.
So back to my story. I asked for another loose wave and again it came out tight. And Its too loose at the ends, the curls arent consistent so it looks like Rhyan rolled my hair with curlers. There are completely straight strands and next to that there are extremely tight curly strands.
Whatha!
So if I don’t curl my hair (which I wanted to avoid) I look like trash. I wanted to eliminate my need for all this fuss and I just dug my troubles deeper. So this is why it takes us sooooo long to get outta the house and arrive anywhere !!!!!!
On another note: For the past few months , who am I kidding, for years I’ve had this thing about tags. I cant stand them. I’ve always been too intimidated to cut them off. Thinking they hold extremely important secrets. Information that hold the key to unlocking the whereabouts of the weapons of mass destruction. NOT.
But really I have always been neurotic and think you never ever tear or cut off tags off anykind.
My parents never worried about things like this so I figured it wasn’t important.
That is, if it bothers you, take care if it ASAP.
So all 33 yrs of my life I tried to ignore this pet peeve. I will hold back no longer. Haha! I started cutting tags off clothing and furniture and such for over 6 months now. Its so liberating. Lol. Really it is.
I cant stand when the items get old and there sitting, staring at you, that faded, frayed, hideous looking TAG. Yucky tags no more if I can help it. Whoohoo! Three cheers for OCD people everywhere…
Hip Hip….., Hip Hip…., Hip Hip….!
On another, ‘nother note:
Got up at 6am this morning, took a shower (I live on the edge), COOKED BREAKFAST (can you believe it), put myself together and got out the door at 830 for grocery shopping in the crazy town. If your not at the store here shopping and ready for checkout by 10am. Forget it! Your stuck in a whole lotta mess. People from miles and miles around come to this border town to shop for everything. From eggs and milk to hay and oxyacetylene (arc welding gas). It’s a disaster in this town come EVERY Saturday! More so come the first and the 15th of the every month.
Breakfast in our house has been absent since b4 the baby was born. All we eat is cold cereal. Nomore pancakes, French toast, eggs, oatmeal, toast, coffee, juice, fresh fruit. I just don’t have the time. Its easiest to take the 3 minutes to pour into a bowl and be on our way. Really Reagan cries that much.
So this morning when I said I cooked breakfast I really over did. Although I wanted to do something nice for Rhyan I didn’t go all the way outta my way and make homemade pancakes from scratch, which she loves. I get annoyed with having to whisk the egg whites until peaks form and then fold into batter. That’s the most time consuming part about it. So I only made French toast. Now she loves them. But this morning I made the mistake of telling her there made with egg.
She hates eggs.
We’ve progressed within the past few years, her dad got her to eat boiled eggs.
But scrambled, the easiest for me to prepare, she despises ‘em.
So… she jumps outta bed and smells food. I tell her I made breakfast and she jumps for joy. She sits down to eat turkey bacon and her French toast with syrup. She’s scarfing it all down when I let out that lil bit of info that Ive so deceitfully concealed for years.
She freezes, stares at the plate and looks at her food as if Im feeding her cow intestines. DOH! She inspects every lil piece and said I used too much egg and she begins to gag. FAIL!
I messed up big time.
So in addition to my oatmeal, I’m eating French toast. ( I made so many this morning thinking for the rest of the weekend and into next week I would be able to pop em in the toaster. Well that’s not gonna work now. Its all goin in the trash. Not like I can freeze em and Dom or myself will eat em later. Dom wont eat em cuz there senseless carbs and I cant because Im already overweight and might as well be eating candy bars.)
*sigh*
Another atempt to be a good mom and I fail badly >:o(
7/9/10
7/2/10
I Love I love I luuuv videocameras. *sigh*
Ry age 3. We planned our Easter trip for Casa Grande. We were sooo busy this week and I wanted to have Ry color eggs b4 we left. I knew the chance wouldnt come while in Casa Grande. So after I packed our bags, 10pm mind u, we colored eggs with her. A tradition we have set aside for just the 3 of us. Ahhh! Family time. So we finished up and tried to convince her to get to bed for our 7am wake up call. She wanted us to hide the eggs for her in the living room, as usual.
Oh and by the way, the basket was a lil .25 cent bargain from a yardsale that she was in Love with at the time. To this day she still loves to place her babies (junk I call it) in cozy blankets (washclothes) and tote them around. lol. I miss these times. Now my girl is gettin so much older. Whah Whah! Just imagine this blog in 1 yrs. boo hoo. Now, im really gonna cry.
Oh and by the way, the basket was a lil .25 cent bargain from a yardsale that she was in Love with at the time. To this day she still loves to place her babies (junk I call it) in cozy blankets (washclothes) and tote them around. lol. I miss these times. Now my girl is gettin so much older. Whah Whah! Just imagine this blog in 1 yrs. boo hoo. Now, im really gonna cry.
Pursehead, May 2008 age 4
***NOTE: SCROLL DOWN, pause music player at bottom of page.*** Don't ask, just enjoy! lol
Ballet class age 3 yrs old
I found all these old clips and took a trip down memory lane. LOL! This is too funny. "I say cheese to dadd!" she says annoyed with mommy. This after I asked her to say cheese to the camera. To this day Im still getting yelled at. :0P
GRAMA 'SHELL
***NOTE: remember you have to scroll down to pause the playlist player.*** THis is a "thank you" video I forgot to post months ago. I found it and just had to put it up for all to see, esp. Gamma Michele! Enjoy. FYI: my house was a mess. we were tryin to repack Halloween items for attic storage. And I had not taken out the props we used for the Kiddie Halloween party. so thats why the house looks soooo junky!
For Daddy....Stay safe in lil town, AZ
SORRY!
YOU HAVE TO SCROLL ALL THE WAY DOWN TO BOTTOM OF PAGE TO MUTE OR PAUSE THE MUSICPLAYER. THEN..... YOU WILL BE ABLE TO LISTEN TO THE GIRLS.
BTW: ITS A HORRIBLE RECORDING. NEXT VIDEO I PROMISE TO TURN THE LIGHTS ON BRIGHTER. OOPS!
6/28/10
Baby Fever
Im a Bump-aholic! I cant wait to have another baby. lol
All my complaining thus far, I cant wait until we're blessed with another. If it never happens Im okay with that. But why not give it a try, right! The world needs another full-blooded nava-joe bebe! teehee
There's this movie Ive been watching on HBO and its hilarious!
"Away We Go"
its one of those B-rated movies. I love B-rated movies that never make it to the theatre. Im not your typical consumer who needs to purchase movies on DVD, VHS, or BLu-ray. I actually think its a waste. But there are 2 movies I have to get, just absolutely have! "Motherhood" starring Uma Thurman - Hilarious! and "Away We Go"! Both are films touching on the ups and downs of parenting. I just love em. TWO THUMBS UP!
I also love Turner Classic Movie Channel. Rhy and I love black and white films. *screaming* Really, we love em so much. We've been watching alot of great movies lately. A few days ago we headed to Blockbuster and rented all old movies. Mostly, Disney. We watched
- Black Beauty
- Pinocchio
- Lion King
- Parent Trap (orginal)
and one other but i cant recall right now.
We love musicals. She has grown very fond of them. *smiling*
We dance around singing the songs and fantasizing in our lil make believe worlde. Its great really. The outside world doesnt matter and we veg all day. Spectacular. you should try. ;o)
Its such a cliche but Ive always loved Barbara Streisand musicals. Love em to death. Cant get enough.
On a sidenote: Limiting TV has really brought the family close together and we listen to Light classical almost all day long. Or alot of children's sing-a-long tunes. Fun times!
But I do have to admit, I feel much like a hypocrite, when the kids are asleep I sneak in some TV time. I feel like a crack addict. I hide my addiction. I watch hours of endless nonsense on the boobtube after everyones asleep. lol. Really Im addicted and I dont want Rhy to be the same as an adult.
So I have to nip it in the bud!
Hope u all are having fun times with the family, enjoy!
All my complaining thus far, I cant wait until we're blessed with another. If it never happens Im okay with that. But why not give it a try, right! The world needs another full-blooded nava-joe bebe! teehee
There's this movie Ive been watching on HBO and its hilarious!
"Away We Go"
its one of those B-rated movies. I love B-rated movies that never make it to the theatre. Im not your typical consumer who needs to purchase movies on DVD, VHS, or BLu-ray. I actually think its a waste. But there are 2 movies I have to get, just absolutely have! "Motherhood" starring Uma Thurman - Hilarious! and "Away We Go"! Both are films touching on the ups and downs of parenting. I just love em. TWO THUMBS UP!
I also love Turner Classic Movie Channel. Rhy and I love black and white films. *screaming* Really, we love em so much. We've been watching alot of great movies lately. A few days ago we headed to Blockbuster and rented all old movies. Mostly, Disney. We watched
- Black Beauty
- Pinocchio
- Lion King
- Parent Trap (orginal)
and one other but i cant recall right now.
We love musicals. She has grown very fond of them. *smiling*
We dance around singing the songs and fantasizing in our lil make believe worlde. Its great really. The outside world doesnt matter and we veg all day. Spectacular. you should try. ;o)
Its such a cliche but Ive always loved Barbara Streisand musicals. Love em to death. Cant get enough.
On a sidenote: Limiting TV has really brought the family close together and we listen to Light classical almost all day long. Or alot of children's sing-a-long tunes. Fun times!
But I do have to admit, I feel much like a hypocrite, when the kids are asleep I sneak in some TV time. I feel like a crack addict. I hide my addiction. I watch hours of endless nonsense on the boobtube after everyones asleep. lol. Really Im addicted and I dont want Rhy to be the same as an adult.
So I have to nip it in the bud!
Hope u all are having fun times with the family, enjoy!
Three Stooges: Curly's Sweater
Mom & Ry helpin reagan with sweater. lol!!!!!!!!
Dom says were the 3 stooges. This coment comes after he witnesses me screamin at ry.
enjoy :o)
Reagan 6 month and 18 days old
Another cute mug from my phone. it doesnt do her justice but you get the idea. ugh! reagans trying to eat the keyboard as I type this.
Tired of trying to find something pretty to fit reagan and have it thin enough for hot sumer days in an infant carseat.... I decided to make my own baby dress. Im attempting to read a SIMPLICITY sewing pattern. Its hard. Ive tried years back and have no idea what the jargon means. So that has stone walled me from ever attempting it again. Im scared and intimidated by sewing patterns. lol
Ive figured it was always easier for others and I have never had anyone show me or educate me on proper "adult" usage of a sewing machine. My mom bought me a machine years ago, or gave me her old one. Then Rhy broke the plastic stick thingy that holds the thread spool so I couldnt use it for a while. Then one day I got the sewing itch. I tried to superglue the plastic spool holder back on, even ducktape it. No such luck. Didnt work.
THen My ma heard bout my troubles, came across a bargain at Walmart and purchased a brand new one ALL FOR ME! YAhoo. Remember my story about hand-me-downs. This was new and never used by anyone else. I felt sooo special. lol.
So Since that time Ive been trying to use it here and there. But just this pass Friday and Saturday I sewed my very first professional looking dress (well as profesh as a middle eastern child laborer can sew). Ouch! I know not funny.
This one had no seams sticking out. All the seams were tucked away like they should be and no loose thread ends or fraying were showing through. yahoo! three cheers for all "thumbs" girlies everywhere.
I'm not your typical girly girl. No one showed me how to cook, put make-up on, sew a dress, etc etc. I learned all this myself. Now credit to my ma. She did try when I was younger before the divorce but who remembers things like that when their 8 yrs old or 10 yrs??? surely not me.
So I did aout 3 hrs of research on the internet, thank goodness for the worldwideweb! lol
Learning about all the terms and watching the e-videos on proper techniques. I LEARNED HOW TO SEW AND READ A PATTERN in as lil as 3 hrs. yahoo again! whoohoo!
I will show you all the final project in a few days when the girls are ready to model them. I have to say they came out better than expected. REALLY! better than I EVER expected. lol
Can I cook?
Now there are people who laugh at me because I cant cook. When I say I cant cook I mean average everyday food.
Im more comfortable cooking a roast or turkey in the oven as opposed to boiling eggs or rice. This is a picture of me attempting to make my sick lil Rhyan white rice. NOw, I can boil brown rice (uncle Ben's) in a bag. But in a saucepan the ole fashion way? nope! and heres proof.
to my credit... i have the whole boiled egg thing down. its been about a year now. lol
Babyfood
Trying my hand at homemade babyfod. Although, this dish is only given to 12 month olds, mac'chz with broccoli, its suppose to be yummy for everyone. It looked sooo yummy online, i had to try it. HAvent had free time to try until DC came home from South Fork Fire. So gave it a whirl on Sunday and it was yum-o!
Just hope Reagan thinks so when shes a yr old. lol
6/22/10
Once a time ago....
Hey Ms. Toni, is this the older gentleman that used to live at our apartment complex?
"Emo", Emmanuelle Laurence.I never knew his name. I talked with him on several occasions and he did introduce himself. But me, I never can remember names at a first time introduction.
I saw this photo in the paper. It was in memory of him for fathers day. It noted that he had passed in March 2010.
If its the same guy that used to live in the corner apt. Im shocked.
He was always a kind person. I liked him. He reminded me of my dad.
Sad really.
6/17/10
day out with mom
The girls grocery shopping with me. Red meat on sale at Safeway. Notice the chubby girl is sitting solo in the front of shopping cart!
Valley Fresh Steamers
Okay remember I mentioned, either yestrday or the day b4, that I was losing my mind!
Have you ever tried those Green Giant Valley Fresh Steamers? pop 'em in the microwave for 5 minutes and whallah! side dish ready in minutes. Well someone introduced them to me and I havent looked back. There very simple especially when you have a chubby 28 lb baby on your hip.
The first nite DC was gone I threw one in the microwave for dinner. Now let me tell you how dinner time goes around our house. I rush around trying to throw something together. Which usually consists of frozen chicken strips, veggie stix, and a quik salad from a bag. Toss a hand full on each of the paper plates, pour on some dressing, if the families lucky... I cut up more salad garnishments. If not, thats all they get. Some greens straight from the bag, more veggie sticks, cut up fruit and the chk strips. We eat this 99% of the time. DC hates it but he'll starve if he doesnt.
The family is just lucky they get food at night. Really!
When you have a stubborn, finicky, cry baby like Reagan as your child and between 5 and 6pm is her bedtime prep, u do whatever you can to keep her from screaming anymore for the day. By 5 pm I usually have a migraine the size of the reservation. ha ha ha.
A few weeks ago, one stressless evening, I decided to whip up a fresh homemade meal. We all ate and couldnt believe our tummies. Full to the max. First thing Dom said, "OH MAN, feels good to eat real food again." If that didnt sum it up I dont know what else would.
So back to my story. With DC gone its hard to get anything accomplished with Reagan. So I rushed around trying to get dinner on the table and forgot I put the valley fresh steamer in the microwave. Today Rhyan wanted leftover chicken. I opened the microwave and tahdah, stinky valley fresh bag sittin there staring at me.
Gross thing, besides the smell, it was 10 days ago that I nuked it! Blah! yuk!
(Excuse me, the babies screaming I have to go!)
6/16/10
shhh dont tell that im propping up the bottle of milk.
baby taken care of, check!
So as I was saying about friends. I had just limited my contact with crackbook friends, as ms toni puts it.
I wanted to delete my account but I just cant do it. Theres this network of people at Wholesome babyfood.com that I love. You can do live chat with other ma's that make their own baby food. But inorder to be apart of this e-community I have to stay connected to facebook. ugh!
So, like I told you,I deleted most of the friend contacts. and wham I get hit with 5 new people wanting to be frends. blah!
I left high school and never wanted to look back and now all these people are tryin to reconnect. About what? I have nothing in common with them. When I have friends I like to live by the motto... quality is better than quantity. and some of these people have like 180, 200, 89 friend contacts. Who does that? more importantly, WHY? I wanna be incontact with people I truly am interested in, not who went where and who's going back to the reservation for a weekend visit.
I'm all about diaper rashes, latest baby purees, laundry folding and grocery shopping mishaps. These people have nothing in common with me. Why? and I end up looking like the mean person when I want to deny them a e-hook up of sorts.
Maybe I should tell everyone Im LDS. Mormon, if you will. that'll scare everyone and then maybe they'll leave me alone. LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!
So as I was saying about friends. I had just limited my contact with crackbook friends, as ms toni puts it.
I wanted to delete my account but I just cant do it. Theres this network of people at Wholesome babyfood.com that I love. You can do live chat with other ma's that make their own baby food. But inorder to be apart of this e-community I have to stay connected to facebook. ugh!
So, like I told you,I deleted most of the friend contacts. and wham I get hit with 5 new people wanting to be frends. blah!
I left high school and never wanted to look back and now all these people are tryin to reconnect. About what? I have nothing in common with them. When I have friends I like to live by the motto... quality is better than quantity. and some of these people have like 180, 200, 89 friend contacts. Who does that? more importantly, WHY? I wanna be incontact with people I truly am interested in, not who went where and who's going back to the reservation for a weekend visit.
I'm all about diaper rashes, latest baby purees, laundry folding and grocery shopping mishaps. These people have nothing in common with me. Why? and I end up looking like the mean person when I want to deny them a e-hook up of sorts.
Maybe I should tell everyone Im LDS. Mormon, if you will. that'll scare everyone and then maybe they'll leave me alone. LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!
You gotta fren'd in me
I love this blogsite. I really do. I have a chance to vent and air all my dirty laundry. lol.
I have no friends- so this allows me to talk about what been on my mind. Really I have no one I talk to on a daily basis. The people I truly considered my friends have moved away, lost contact with me, or are too busy working to chat.
The only person I talk to on a daily basis is, let me correct that - the only adult I talk to on a daily basis, is my hubby.
My ma is busy and I get, maybe, 5 minutes to say something in a 7 day period. My dad is busy with life and visits and calls, if Im lucky, 5 times a year. And usually only calls or visits so he can bicker about his family. such a tedious task - to have to listen to him.
And my one and only best friend in the whole wide world - hazel- has seemed to forgotten my phone number, my name, that I have a pulse. lol
Sad really when you lose touch with people you really cared about. She and I met in 1997 and we inseparable from that time on. Until I got married in 2005. Then it slowly went from few visits a year to few phone calls a year. To nothing! nada!
Dont ask me what happened - cuz im still trying to figure it out.
I do have to say I have one great friend that I know still cares about me. And thats MS. Toni. She still gives me shout outs all the way from Pennsylvania. Thanks lady for always reading and staying in touch with me. BTW: I love to read your blog. Keep the recipes coming. Although I never try them I always imagine myself standing in the kitchen - whippin up a batch of ms toni's somethings! lol
I do have to give u credit for droppin me that mozarella chz stick recipe. To this day I still make em. I never would've thunk u could make em from such simple ingredients. Ry loves em to death. me too!
baby cryin - gotta go. big hugs lov u all.
and happy belated birthday to all you readers. Auntie Lechele I wanted to send an email and never did it. But HAPPY BIRTHDAY and HAPPY BIRTHDAY Gamma MIchele!
I have no friends- so this allows me to talk about what been on my mind. Really I have no one I talk to on a daily basis. The people I truly considered my friends have moved away, lost contact with me, or are too busy working to chat.
The only person I talk to on a daily basis is, let me correct that - the only adult I talk to on a daily basis, is my hubby.
My ma is busy and I get, maybe, 5 minutes to say something in a 7 day period. My dad is busy with life and visits and calls, if Im lucky, 5 times a year. And usually only calls or visits so he can bicker about his family. such a tedious task - to have to listen to him.
And my one and only best friend in the whole wide world - hazel- has seemed to forgotten my phone number, my name, that I have a pulse. lol
Sad really when you lose touch with people you really cared about. She and I met in 1997 and we inseparable from that time on. Until I got married in 2005. Then it slowly went from few visits a year to few phone calls a year. To nothing! nada!
Dont ask me what happened - cuz im still trying to figure it out.
I do have to say I have one great friend that I know still cares about me. And thats MS. Toni. She still gives me shout outs all the way from Pennsylvania. Thanks lady for always reading and staying in touch with me. BTW: I love to read your blog. Keep the recipes coming. Although I never try them I always imagine myself standing in the kitchen - whippin up a batch of ms toni's somethings! lol
I do have to give u credit for droppin me that mozarella chz stick recipe. To this day I still make em. I never would've thunk u could make em from such simple ingredients. Ry loves em to death. me too!
baby cryin - gotta go. big hugs lov u all.
and happy belated birthday to all you readers. Auntie Lechele I wanted to send an email and never did it. But HAPPY BIRTHDAY and HAPPY BIRTHDAY Gamma MIchele!
SCRABBLE WAR!!!
Okay! Now this is just ree-donk-cue-less, as Donkey would put it (reference to Shrek movies, for those of u that didnt get it)!After we finish the game I mentioned to her we could go to the store and buy another game, pictionary. Needless to say, she couldnt wait for the game to be over.....
Silly really. As you guys know I had suggested we buy a Scrabble jr game board in hopes to get Ry better at spelling. Well, I bought it yesterday and couldnt wait to show her how to play. Reagan went down for her nap at 11:30a and it took me 5minutes to explain the rules to Ry. By, 12 noon we were off and playing. By 12:30p she had whooped my butt terribly. 62 to 25! Do I need to tell you who was twenty-five. argh!
She spanked me bad! She got Double word and Double letter score on several turns. All the 4 and five letter words are her creation. Sadly, and pitifully I report I'm the two and three letter word creator. Sad, really, Just SAD! embarrasing... pitiful.
Whatha?
She jumps up and says, "CAN WE GO NOW!"
My jaw still on the floor.
Wait, what jus happ'nd? Uh, wait .. uh...I bought this thinking it would take her forever to learn to play. Boy was I sadly mistaken. on to the next task mommy! lol
grocery shopping with kids
havent checked in, in a while! sorry. As you may have quessed, DC is on a fire assignment in north central NM! Prior to that he was in Heber, AZ and then Alpine,AZ. He has been away since the 8th. And He will possibly be gone on Fathers day. Boo hOo. But having a lil more cash around has been nice. Fire season always brings more overtime. All year we go without alot of "wants", come fire season, although I nag about him being gone, I really enjoy having an extra $20 in my purse to spend at our leisure. Such as $3 flowers to replant in a pot, $5 fabric paint for crafts, $5 garden ornaments, $9 kiddie toys, etc. etc. SO yes its been okay.
Reagan is so fascinated with the seat buckles in her high chair. She spends more time with her head down trying to grab 'em. Every few minutes we look over to see her head buried like an ostrich! lol
Yesterday, Rhyan and I bought Reagan her first "big" girl toy. A piano recommended for infants 6+ of age. tee hee. she enjoys it. But of course she enjoys sucking on tupperware lids and chewing on her spoons more! go Figure!
She rocks back and forth on her knees and hands. Soon, she'll be off! hurray, NOT!
She has graduated to carrots. Doc says its ok to introduce meat to her, as long as I place in food processor first! well of course doc. No! Im gonna throw her a hunk of steak and let her gnaw on it. Yeah, cuz thats how I like to torture my kids.
Rhyan is happy with piano lessons and girls scouts and reading. I dont have much more time than that. How we're gonna fit in swim lessons in 2 weeks I hav no clue. Im sadistic! I like to tortue myself. cant you tell. I had children didnt I? lol
Life is good.
You wanna know how absentminded I am!!!!
Yesterday we went grocery shopin. I had to return a box of Rice Krispy cereal becuz when I initially purchased it - the bag inside was open.
Soooo, I take it back to cust svc counter at Wallie world. She tells me to grab another box to exchange. I say yes, I have more items to grab and Ill be about 2 hrs. So by the end of the 2 hrs, after checkout, im frazzled and tired. I forget. I went thru the line and paid for the new box without remembering I was suppose to exchange it. Duh! So I dont remember about the cereal at cust svc desk until 5 hrs later. I call and say Ill be by later this evening after girl scouts. yeah, cuz the walmart lady really wants to know what my plans are. lol. So I get the kids to bed, finish cleaning, brush teeth, and lay down, realizing its 12 am midnite and I have yet to return to walmart to exchange my box and get a refund for the second one I didnt need to pay for. Double DOH! ARGH!!!!!!!!! Im losing my mind. You cant help but laugh! =}
Reagan is so fascinated with the seat buckles in her high chair. She spends more time with her head down trying to grab 'em. Every few minutes we look over to see her head buried like an ostrich! lol
Yesterday, Rhyan and I bought Reagan her first "big" girl toy. A piano recommended for infants 6+ of age. tee hee. she enjoys it. But of course she enjoys sucking on tupperware lids and chewing on her spoons more! go Figure!
She rocks back and forth on her knees and hands. Soon, she'll be off! hurray, NOT!
She has graduated to carrots. Doc says its ok to introduce meat to her, as long as I place in food processor first! well of course doc. No! Im gonna throw her a hunk of steak and let her gnaw on it. Yeah, cuz thats how I like to torture my kids.
Rhyan is happy with piano lessons and girls scouts and reading. I dont have much more time than that. How we're gonna fit in swim lessons in 2 weeks I hav no clue. Im sadistic! I like to tortue myself. cant you tell. I had children didnt I? lol
Life is good.
You wanna know how absentminded I am!!!!
Yesterday we went grocery shopin. I had to return a box of Rice Krispy cereal becuz when I initially purchased it - the bag inside was open.
Soooo, I take it back to cust svc counter at Wallie world. She tells me to grab another box to exchange. I say yes, I have more items to grab and Ill be about 2 hrs. So by the end of the 2 hrs, after checkout, im frazzled and tired. I forget. I went thru the line and paid for the new box without remembering I was suppose to exchange it. Duh! So I dont remember about the cereal at cust svc desk until 5 hrs later. I call and say Ill be by later this evening after girl scouts. yeah, cuz the walmart lady really wants to know what my plans are. lol. So I get the kids to bed, finish cleaning, brush teeth, and lay down, realizing its 12 am midnite and I have yet to return to walmart to exchange my box and get a refund for the second one I didnt need to pay for. Double DOH! ARGH!!!!!!!!! Im losing my mind. You cant help but laugh! =}
6/12/10
Reagan one week ago
Isnt this kid gettin bigger and bigger.
Shes a husky lil gal. She weighs 18.5lbs and measures 28 inches long.
Shes a freak of nature, according to onlookers - who find it necessary to chime in on my daughters "huskiness", as I like to call it.
The Nurse practitioner suggested a diet of sorts if Reagan doesnt slow down on her weight gain by month 9. Poor Rea Rea (ray ray)!
She loves to eat. She has no patience. She screams from the top of her highest pitch when the spoon leaves her mouth on another journey to pik up more food from bowl. She doesnt understand that the food doesnt come directly from the spoon. lol
Rhyan has been busy and mommies much happier these days.
Rhyan has been occupied with girlscouts, piano lessons, and playdates. And we have yet to begin swim lessons or regular visits to library nor have we started with the daily craft activities the city provides. *sigh*
So much to do. I dont think I'll have much more time to help her study this summer. Ive decided to pick up scrabble JR. (another great idea from a another ma)to help her with her spelling. We plan on reading 100 books this summer, is that much or not enough?
I have found the Caldecott and Newberry sites and have proposed to keep her up-to-date on the latest and greatest awarded authors. YEah, for me right ms toni. Ms toni is a "retired" teacher and always has great ideas. She's also an english geek and book worm, so its always neat to pik her brain. =]
baby crying... to be cont'd!
6/6/10
I really thought I was alright Today. We returned from ABQ after a sleepover at the zoo. WHich was absolutely amazing! I had a blast. Wished I could have let Rhyan enjoy it more and not ride her as hard as I did. But its me, who we kidding?!
So that give you an idea of how our night went on saturday. It doesnt need to be said but Rhyan was EXTREMELY TIRED!
She had the biggest meltdown beginning at 10pm. Now, all 1,000 girls were still going full speed at 11:00pm. So it was hard to control her. She wanted to be apart of all the festivities, even if it was a small part like playin freeze tag with other troops. It was so adorable how friendly my lil girl was with making new friends. I set out a throw for the 5 girls in our troop to watch Happy Feet on the lawn. I go to sit and eat my dinner with them and theres no space for me. In the dark, I look closely at the faces and realize we have strangers sittin with us. Rhyan made friends with a troop from Los Lunas, shared her snacks with 'em, and invited them to sit with HER. Not us, HER! All the while, kicking her fellow girl scout troop of to the moist grass. DOH! Well atleast shes trying, we have to work on the other part. lol.
Shes running around, laughing and screaming very loudly. She's putting herself in a bad position. She's gonna rip someones tent. trip over tent stakes. Run into another kid and split open her head. or at the most get an extremely painful headache. So IM grinding my teeth and grunting out in a moderately stern tone,"Rhyan cut it out, settle down, stop it, no more, no more, settle down, stop, stop, come here, come here now!" Does she comprehend any of this.
And this goes on for 15 - 20 minutes.
Im losing my patience quick, not to mention Im so tired.
Then....
She falls into our tent. I hear a very distint crack!
Its the tent poles and Im freaking out. First wondering about how severe the damage is to our tent and can we still sleep in it.
Then, I worry if she has scraped her leg or cut her foot?
What a terrible mom, right!
So the tent wasnt damaged but that was the straw that broke the camels back. UGH!
I quickly grab her by her upper arm fiercely, drag her off, while she screams,"no, ouch, that hurts, stop it, dont pinch me!"
Im seeing red and gettin more and more embarassed.
I end up squeezing her nose, pinching and yanking more and Im ready to lose it. Were away from the tents now and standing off in the dark. While I wring her out.
THat was the first incident. There were a few more that ended with the biggest one at 12:15am. Yes, shes still up at this time. Now since the first one she has been locked up with her friend, Sam, in the tent. talking to the other girls through the mesh screen.
So she gets outta hand I tell her calmly I need to set some rules and she needs to leave the tent with me. To go talk. Now, on the trip over earlier in the day I versed her in the rules. But when she gets around other girls, laughs and begins to have fun - she loses focus and goes bonkers! Absolutley BONKERS! and it drives me INSANE!
I cant handle it. Im like a werewolf during a fullmoon... I morph into Joan Crawford, and rather scream, "CHRISTINA", I growl loudly, " RHYAN"!!!!!!!!!!
I hate it when I do that. I cant turn that off the minute Im in a full blown freak out. Until after I realize how severe my behaviour was and I have such guilt. I cry and make myself sick thinking about how I looked to onlookers and mainly how this affected Rhyan. It makes me sick. Im not one of those moms that carry themselves with dignity. But I sure wish I was.
Now, b4 you say its the stress of being a new mom to a 6 month old. Ive done this mutliple times b4 Reagan was conceived. I started when Rhy was just a toddler. Its aweful. THis is what I mean when I refer to myself as a horrific mother. MAybe motherhood doesnt agree with me. I always thought I was the motherly type, but I have to try hard at it. IT rough, REAL rough.
So she says over and over to me at midnite somthing to the effect:
1. I cant do anything right
2. I always mess things up
3. Daddy's the only one that loves me
4. You dont love me, you hate me,
5. YOu think Im ugly, im not beautiful, Im dumb.
6. I dont know anything
and more and more just like these comments
At this moment I realize Ive road her hard today and shes spent. SPENT!
I know right now that the last thing she needs from me is more yelling. So I say (in a not so behaved "mother" way), theres plenty of moms her. go. go pick another one. you obviously dont want me to be your mom anymore. Then DOm not being there, still saved the day. He called at that very moment, spoke to rhy calming her down. She gives the phone back and says to me,
" mom im tired and my legs hurt, can i have some medicine".
DOne.
she was ready for bed. I took that opportunity and ran with it. We went back . I cuddled her more. calmly told her to settle down and get to bed.
She was asleep within 2 mins. Man, I was SPENT!
Did I sleep well that night? nope. But again I realized
1. how bad of a mom I am.
2. How much im not paying attention to Rhyan
3. how impatient and angered I am by her not being perfect, and just wanting to act like a lil kid. I know, shes 6 and she doesnt want to sit still. Go figure!
So Im home, everynes asleep and at 11pm tonight I realize Im not OKAY!
I need to cry, feel the biggest urge coming outta nowhere. And I break down. I feel the need to get on the blog and post my feelings. so thats what Im doing.
uh oh! I hear the baby. c ya
So that give you an idea of how our night went on saturday. It doesnt need to be said but Rhyan was EXTREMELY TIRED!
She had the biggest meltdown beginning at 10pm. Now, all 1,000 girls were still going full speed at 11:00pm. So it was hard to control her. She wanted to be apart of all the festivities, even if it was a small part like playin freeze tag with other troops. It was so adorable how friendly my lil girl was with making new friends. I set out a throw for the 5 girls in our troop to watch Happy Feet on the lawn. I go to sit and eat my dinner with them and theres no space for me. In the dark, I look closely at the faces and realize we have strangers sittin with us. Rhyan made friends with a troop from Los Lunas, shared her snacks with 'em, and invited them to sit with HER. Not us, HER! All the while, kicking her fellow girl scout troop of to the moist grass. DOH! Well atleast shes trying, we have to work on the other part. lol.
Shes running around, laughing and screaming very loudly. She's putting herself in a bad position. She's gonna rip someones tent. trip over tent stakes. Run into another kid and split open her head. or at the most get an extremely painful headache. So IM grinding my teeth and grunting out in a moderately stern tone,"Rhyan cut it out, settle down, stop it, no more, no more, settle down, stop, stop, come here, come here now!" Does she comprehend any of this.
And this goes on for 15 - 20 minutes.
Im losing my patience quick, not to mention Im so tired.
Then....
She falls into our tent. I hear a very distint crack!
Its the tent poles and Im freaking out. First wondering about how severe the damage is to our tent and can we still sleep in it.
Then, I worry if she has scraped her leg or cut her foot?
What a terrible mom, right!
So the tent wasnt damaged but that was the straw that broke the camels back. UGH!
I quickly grab her by her upper arm fiercely, drag her off, while she screams,"no, ouch, that hurts, stop it, dont pinch me!"
Im seeing red and gettin more and more embarassed.
I end up squeezing her nose, pinching and yanking more and Im ready to lose it. Were away from the tents now and standing off in the dark. While I wring her out.
THat was the first incident. There were a few more that ended with the biggest one at 12:15am. Yes, shes still up at this time. Now since the first one she has been locked up with her friend, Sam, in the tent. talking to the other girls through the mesh screen.
So she gets outta hand I tell her calmly I need to set some rules and she needs to leave the tent with me. To go talk. Now, on the trip over earlier in the day I versed her in the rules. But when she gets around other girls, laughs and begins to have fun - she loses focus and goes bonkers! Absolutley BONKERS! and it drives me INSANE!
I cant handle it. Im like a werewolf during a fullmoon... I morph into Joan Crawford, and rather scream, "CHRISTINA", I growl loudly, " RHYAN"!!!!!!!!!!
I hate it when I do that. I cant turn that off the minute Im in a full blown freak out. Until after I realize how severe my behaviour was and I have such guilt. I cry and make myself sick thinking about how I looked to onlookers and mainly how this affected Rhyan. It makes me sick. Im not one of those moms that carry themselves with dignity. But I sure wish I was.
Now, b4 you say its the stress of being a new mom to a 6 month old. Ive done this mutliple times b4 Reagan was conceived. I started when Rhy was just a toddler. Its aweful. THis is what I mean when I refer to myself as a horrific mother. MAybe motherhood doesnt agree with me. I always thought I was the motherly type, but I have to try hard at it. IT rough, REAL rough.
So she says over and over to me at midnite somthing to the effect:
1. I cant do anything right
2. I always mess things up
3. Daddy's the only one that loves me
4. You dont love me, you hate me,
5. YOu think Im ugly, im not beautiful, Im dumb.
6. I dont know anything
and more and more just like these comments
At this moment I realize Ive road her hard today and shes spent. SPENT!
I know right now that the last thing she needs from me is more yelling. So I say (in a not so behaved "mother" way), theres plenty of moms her. go. go pick another one. you obviously dont want me to be your mom anymore. Then DOm not being there, still saved the day. He called at that very moment, spoke to rhy calming her down. She gives the phone back and says to me,
" mom im tired and my legs hurt, can i have some medicine".
DOne.
she was ready for bed. I took that opportunity and ran with it. We went back . I cuddled her more. calmly told her to settle down and get to bed.
She was asleep within 2 mins. Man, I was SPENT!
Did I sleep well that night? nope. But again I realized
1. how bad of a mom I am.
2. How much im not paying attention to Rhyan
3. how impatient and angered I am by her not being perfect, and just wanting to act like a lil kid. I know, shes 6 and she doesnt want to sit still. Go figure!
So Im home, everynes asleep and at 11pm tonight I realize Im not OKAY!
I need to cry, feel the biggest urge coming outta nowhere. And I break down. I feel the need to get on the blog and post my feelings. so thats what Im doing.
uh oh! I hear the baby. c ya
6/2/10
facebook, oops!
Rhyan and I made gelatin gigglers today!
It was so cool. Ive never made them b4. Ive always wanted to try but never had patience to read instructions or look for a recipe. We used her Elmo Sesame Street Cookbook she received from her cousin. We used pomegranate juice and blueberries with the unflavored gelatin packets. It didnt taste good, i thought. But Rhy loved them. Too salty. Maybe the salt taste came from the nonstick olive oil cooking spray. The recipe said to spray so the gigglers are easiest to remove from pan when its lubricated.
I slept from 4p to 9pm this evening. It was awesome. Baby slept with me. She had trouble at first but wore out from all the fussing. She was awake all day, as usual. She did so great the other 2 days and today, not so much. Its 12 midnight and I hope she sleeps the entire night. My luck she'll get up at 5am bright eyed and bushy "hair". =}
Cheer Camp goin well this week, its only 4 days long. Girl Scout camp out is coming up on saturday. Gamma Cille will be here sat morning to watch the chunkey girl while the skinny girl and I drive to abq. I didnt give it much thought, but now Im nervous about leaving the baby. DC is suppose to be here with the baby and gamma. I think I'll be the one that has separation anxiety.
Ms. Toni we would love to be penpals with TJ. I have yet to mail off his package of goodies. It'll happen soon I promise. Rhyan started an email acct and has sent you a message. If you receive, please confirm with a reply. Thanks! By the way, How many siblings do you have.
Dry as ever here in smalltown, NM. We need rain. Two big fires broke, one, in southern AZ, and the other in Santa Fe. All the Southwest type 1 crews were at the Horseshoe fire including DC's IHC crew. But as of today they were released, when they return - if the Santa FE fire blows up (gets outta hand) and his Crew is committed, he TOO will leave with 'em. Boo HOO!
DC bought me my very own sleeping bag today for the campout. YAhoo! My very first EVER! Yes, really! hard to believe I know, but ive always had handme downs from my older brother. So you can imagine the excitement! After everyone went to sleep I removed it from its pouch - unrolled - and climbed in! AWE! that was nice. I relaxed and made myself comfy, almost falling asleep on living rm flr. What a goober, right?! =] have a great day 2moro. I know Ill definitely try.
HIndsight: I told DC what I did with the facebook acct and he said big mistake. It was very rude. YOu think so? whatcha think. email me at rlgishi@msn.com
It was so cool. Ive never made them b4. Ive always wanted to try but never had patience to read instructions or look for a recipe. We used her Elmo Sesame Street Cookbook she received from her cousin. We used pomegranate juice and blueberries with the unflavored gelatin packets. It didnt taste good, i thought. But Rhy loved them. Too salty. Maybe the salt taste came from the nonstick olive oil cooking spray. The recipe said to spray so the gigglers are easiest to remove from pan when its lubricated.
I slept from 4p to 9pm this evening. It was awesome. Baby slept with me. She had trouble at first but wore out from all the fussing. She was awake all day, as usual. She did so great the other 2 days and today, not so much. Its 12 midnight and I hope she sleeps the entire night. My luck she'll get up at 5am bright eyed and bushy "hair". =}
Cheer Camp goin well this week, its only 4 days long. Girl Scout camp out is coming up on saturday. Gamma Cille will be here sat morning to watch the chunkey girl while the skinny girl and I drive to abq. I didnt give it much thought, but now Im nervous about leaving the baby. DC is suppose to be here with the baby and gamma. I think I'll be the one that has separation anxiety.
Ms. Toni we would love to be penpals with TJ. I have yet to mail off his package of goodies. It'll happen soon I promise. Rhyan started an email acct and has sent you a message. If you receive, please confirm with a reply. Thanks! By the way, How many siblings do you have.
Dry as ever here in smalltown, NM. We need rain. Two big fires broke, one, in southern AZ, and the other in Santa Fe. All the Southwest type 1 crews were at the Horseshoe fire including DC's IHC crew. But as of today they were released, when they return - if the Santa FE fire blows up (gets outta hand) and his Crew is committed, he TOO will leave with 'em. Boo HOO!
DC bought me my very own sleeping bag today for the campout. YAhoo! My very first EVER! Yes, really! hard to believe I know, but ive always had handme downs from my older brother. So you can imagine the excitement! After everyone went to sleep I removed it from its pouch - unrolled - and climbed in! AWE! that was nice. I relaxed and made myself comfy, almost falling asleep on living rm flr. What a goober, right?! =] have a great day 2moro. I know Ill definitely try.
HIndsight: I told DC what I did with the facebook acct and he said big mistake. It was very rude. YOu think so? whatcha think. email me at rlgishi@msn.com
PROACTIV works...
when you use it. Its difficult to use everyday in a 3 step process that takes all of 10 or 15mins to wash my face.
I just dont have that time to be away from the kids.
Reagan loves to eat. Ive tried my hand at homemade baby food and Im quite proud of myself. DC and I love it and So DOES REAGAN. Have this book that my sister-in-law gave me 6 yrs ago. Never had the opportunity to use recipes in it for Ry. Rhyan never liked baby food and ate only applesauce 24/7 ,365 days for 3 yrs. Until the day we drove thru the McD's food to go window! oops!
SO IM making baby food purees and I have also found this awesome site on the web, wholesome baby food dot com. I think thats the address. I will link it to my blog.
Im afraid of SIDS and WHooping COugh!
NOthing more depressing than the moment you take notice that you ARE DEPRESSED. That moment came when I looked at the time (1:37am) and my regular shows have stopped showing and the tv network has turned its time over to INFOMERCIALS! yuk! blah!
goodnite!
I just dont have that time to be away from the kids.
Reagan loves to eat. Ive tried my hand at homemade baby food and Im quite proud of myself. DC and I love it and So DOES REAGAN. Have this book that my sister-in-law gave me 6 yrs ago. Never had the opportunity to use recipes in it for Ry. Rhyan never liked baby food and ate only applesauce 24/7 ,365 days for 3 yrs. Until the day we drove thru the McD's food to go window! oops!
SO IM making baby food purees and I have also found this awesome site on the web, wholesome baby food dot com. I think thats the address. I will link it to my blog.
Im afraid of SIDS and WHooping COugh!
NOthing more depressing than the moment you take notice that you ARE DEPRESSED. That moment came when I looked at the time (1:37am) and my regular shows have stopped showing and the tv network has turned its time over to INFOMERCIALS! yuk! blah!
goodnite!
no one is jumping off the deep end
okay, okay. Before u all start to worry Im going off the deep end. HOld UP!
Im performing an "upchuck", if you will, of everything that is nonsense. I have noticed that I have too many outwardly influences molding an unhealthy way of thinking. TV, movies, envy of REAL people I know, as opposed to tv celebrity peeps!
Yeah its nonsense to cut real people outta my life but If I find myself not having healthy thoughts about them and how they influence me - then I need to take a break from them - or it all. Envy is one root of evil that lurks in our lives. I have found myself depressed b/c im COMPARING myself to these other peeps. Im obsessed with what their doing, what their thinking, where their going... and I say why am i not doing that, why cant I go there, and why cant I be more positive and happy like them. And Im missing the whole picture = MY FAMILY!
I have priorities here that are being ignored. Yes im present with my family but im not emotionally connecting with them. I run the everyday like a robot and my finish line I look fwd to everyday is bedtime. ITs my first thought when I wake up, right before I hit the snooze button and jump in the shower.
"What do I have to endure before I can put these kids back to sleep and not look around the house and see all that HAS TO BE DONE."
honestly, i try to stay away from the house as much as possible. lol. because when Im away, theres no constant reminder that the carpet needs cleaning, the laundry is piling up again, the baby needs diapers, the rash is coming back, rhy is talking improper english, DC hasnt cleaned up his side of the closet, what do I fix for dinner, Im still havent started to lose weight, Im running to the pantry again to find chocolate or another diet soda, My neighbor is still grumpy with me, my brother and I havent spoken in almost a year (or has it been longer than a year), i havent hugged my niece and nephew in that same amt of time, I miss ole friends and I dont know what I did to lose their friendship, my father has another family and the list goes on and on and on and on............................
These are a bit of what im dealing with. I know everyone has probs but this is my case and that was me telling you, " oh by the way FYI!"
have a nice day. have any suggestions, email rlgishi@msn.com
Im performing an "upchuck", if you will, of everything that is nonsense. I have noticed that I have too many outwardly influences molding an unhealthy way of thinking. TV, movies, envy of REAL people I know, as opposed to tv celebrity peeps!
Yeah its nonsense to cut real people outta my life but If I find myself not having healthy thoughts about them and how they influence me - then I need to take a break from them - or it all. Envy is one root of evil that lurks in our lives. I have found myself depressed b/c im COMPARING myself to these other peeps. Im obsessed with what their doing, what their thinking, where their going... and I say why am i not doing that, why cant I go there, and why cant I be more positive and happy like them. And Im missing the whole picture = MY FAMILY!
I have priorities here that are being ignored. Yes im present with my family but im not emotionally connecting with them. I run the everyday like a robot and my finish line I look fwd to everyday is bedtime. ITs my first thought when I wake up, right before I hit the snooze button and jump in the shower.
"What do I have to endure before I can put these kids back to sleep and not look around the house and see all that HAS TO BE DONE."
honestly, i try to stay away from the house as much as possible. lol. because when Im away, theres no constant reminder that the carpet needs cleaning, the laundry is piling up again, the baby needs diapers, the rash is coming back, rhy is talking improper english, DC hasnt cleaned up his side of the closet, what do I fix for dinner, Im still havent started to lose weight, Im running to the pantry again to find chocolate or another diet soda, My neighbor is still grumpy with me, my brother and I havent spoken in almost a year (or has it been longer than a year), i havent hugged my niece and nephew in that same amt of time, I miss ole friends and I dont know what I did to lose their friendship, my father has another family and the list goes on and on and on and on............................
These are a bit of what im dealing with. I know everyone has probs but this is my case and that was me telling you, " oh by the way FYI!"
have a nice day. have any suggestions, email rlgishi@msn.com
6/1/10
Sleep, oh what a feeling!
She sleeps! I couldnt be happier to report that Reagan has been sleeping for three days now. AHHHH! What relief for me. Im able to rest in the day now. Life is great!
Just dont realize how precious rest is until you arent able to get it.
Say an awareness ad for whooping cough! AWE!!!!!!!! scary. not good for a neurotic mom like me to see. lol.
Im so irritated by the whole facebook thing. I just cleaned house and possibly will delete my facebook account.
I deleted about 20 friends from having facebook access to what I write. Im all about the privacy now. Atleast to the people I know wont understand me.
I have diverted bak to my ole ways and my ole way of thinking. Im tired of trying to live the way I think Im suppose to be as a "mother". I have loss myself in all the mix thus I feel like I have to limit my contact with everyone new in my life. Inorder to channel my ole self. Silly, but thats what I think is good for now. Maybe im limiting myself and may fall deeper into a depressed state - only time will tell.
YOu know what makes me sick. To look at my walls and think that I HAVE TO GET PROFESSIONAL PORTraits of my family. BUY expensive frames to display these picts and place them just right on the wall. to parade for the whole world (atleast the portion of the world that comes thru my front door). lol. Really its an epidemic - spending unnecessarily really!
So Any of you facebookers that I deleted - that read my blog - sorry! Really I am but i just had to get rid of it all. Its making me depressed. Someone wants to be your "friend" but doesnt send you a message for like, oh say, months. Yea right! what a friend. So rather than pick and choose who to keep and who to drop... I dropped everyone! or a nicer way to say it... I deleted them all. Saying I dropped them makes it sound as if I hate these people. WHICH IS SOOOO NOT THE CASE!
BE PATIENT WITH ME: IM HAVING A ROUGH TIME RIGHT NOW! =}
Just dont realize how precious rest is until you arent able to get it.
Say an awareness ad for whooping cough! AWE!!!!!!!! scary. not good for a neurotic mom like me to see. lol.
Im so irritated by the whole facebook thing. I just cleaned house and possibly will delete my facebook account.
I deleted about 20 friends from having facebook access to what I write. Im all about the privacy now. Atleast to the people I know wont understand me.
I have diverted bak to my ole ways and my ole way of thinking. Im tired of trying to live the way I think Im suppose to be as a "mother". I have loss myself in all the mix thus I feel like I have to limit my contact with everyone new in my life. Inorder to channel my ole self. Silly, but thats what I think is good for now. Maybe im limiting myself and may fall deeper into a depressed state - only time will tell.
YOu know what makes me sick. To look at my walls and think that I HAVE TO GET PROFESSIONAL PORTraits of my family. BUY expensive frames to display these picts and place them just right on the wall. to parade for the whole world (atleast the portion of the world that comes thru my front door). lol. Really its an epidemic - spending unnecessarily really!
So Any of you facebookers that I deleted - that read my blog - sorry! Really I am but i just had to get rid of it all. Its making me depressed. Someone wants to be your "friend" but doesnt send you a message for like, oh say, months. Yea right! what a friend. So rather than pick and choose who to keep and who to drop... I dropped everyone! or a nicer way to say it... I deleted them all. Saying I dropped them makes it sound as if I hate these people. WHICH IS SOOOO NOT THE CASE!
BE PATIENT WITH ME: IM HAVING A ROUGH TIME RIGHT NOW! =}
5/29/10
Mother Reclassified
I read this in an email someone sent me and had to share with you mom's out there!
A woman renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office was asked
by the woman recorder to state her occupation. Emily had hesitated,
uncertain how to classify herself.
"What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job, or are you
just a .....?"
"Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a mother."
"We don't list 'mother' as an occupation...'housewife' covers it," said the
recorder emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same
situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career
woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high - sounding title like
"Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."
"What is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it, I do not know. The words simply popped out.
"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human
Relations."
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though
she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most
significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written
in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your
field?"
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I
have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the
laboratory and in the field (normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters (the whole darned family) and already have four
credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in
the humanities (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a
day (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-
the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just
money."
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she
completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was
greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our
new experimental model (6 months) in the child-development program, testing
out a new vocal pattern.
I felt triumphant! I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the
official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind
than "just another mother."
Motherhood...what a glorious career. Especially when there's a title on the
door.
Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research Associates in the Field of
Child Development and Human Relations", and great - grandmothers "Executive
Senior Research Associates"? I think so!
I also think it makes aunts "Associate Research Assistants!"
A woman renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office was asked
by the woman recorder to state her occupation. Emily had hesitated,
uncertain how to classify herself.
"What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job, or are you
just a .....?"
"Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a mother."
"We don't list 'mother' as an occupation...'housewife' covers it," said the
recorder emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same
situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career
woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high - sounding title like
"Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."
"What is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it, I do not know. The words simply popped out.
"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human
Relations."
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though
she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most
significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written
in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your
field?"
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I
have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the
laboratory and in the field (normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters (the whole darned family) and already have four
credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in
the humanities (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a
day (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-
the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just
money."
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she
completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was
greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our
new experimental model (6 months) in the child-development program, testing
out a new vocal pattern.
I felt triumphant! I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the
official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind
than "just another mother."
Motherhood...what a glorious career. Especially when there's a title on the
door.
Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research Associates in the Field of
Child Development and Human Relations", and great - grandmothers "Executive
Senior Research Associates"? I think so!
I also think it makes aunts "Associate Research Assistants!"
Recipe for a Good Life
Saw this is on another bloggers site and thought it worth sharing!
* Don't have negative thoughts about things you can't control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.
* Spend time with people over seventy and children under six.
* Life is to short to waste it hating anyone.
* Take a 10 to 30 minute walk a day and while you walk, smile.
* Sit in silence at least ten minutes a day.
* Sleep seven hours a night.
* Live with the tree E's, energy, enthusiasm, and empathy.
* Play more games.
* Read more books than you did last year.
* Drink plenty of water.
* Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and less foods that are manufactured in plants.
* Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a begger.
* Make time to meditate and to pray. They provide the daily fuel for our lives.
* Dream more while your awake.
* Smile, giggle, and laugh more often.
* Try to make at least three people smile every day.
* Don't waste precious energy on gossip.
* Don't take youself so seriously. No one else does.
* Forget issues of the past. Don't constantly remind your partner of his or her mistakes. This will ruin your present happiness.
* Realize that life is a school and we are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away, like an alegebra class, but the lessons you learn last a life time.
* You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
* Don't compare your self to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
* Make peace with your past so it doesn't spoil your present.
* Your job won't take care of you when you are sick but your friends will stay in touch.
* Forgive everyone for everything.
* What other people think of you is none of your business.
* Get rid of everything that isn't useful, beautiful, or joyful.
* However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
* Envy is a waste of time.
* You already have all that you need.
* The best is yet to come.
* No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.
* Don't over do. Know your limits.
* Your inner self is always happy so be happy.
* Do the right thing.
* Call your family often.
* Each day give something good to others.
* Don't have negative thoughts about things you can't control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.
* Spend time with people over seventy and children under six.
* Life is to short to waste it hating anyone.
* Take a 10 to 30 minute walk a day and while you walk, smile.
* Sit in silence at least ten minutes a day.
* Sleep seven hours a night.
* Live with the tree E's, energy, enthusiasm, and empathy.
* Play more games.
* Read more books than you did last year.
* Drink plenty of water.
* Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and less foods that are manufactured in plants.
* Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a begger.
* Make time to meditate and to pray. They provide the daily fuel for our lives.
* Dream more while your awake.
* Smile, giggle, and laugh more often.
* Try to make at least three people smile every day.
* Don't waste precious energy on gossip.
* Don't take youself so seriously. No one else does.
* Forget issues of the past. Don't constantly remind your partner of his or her mistakes. This will ruin your present happiness.
* Realize that life is a school and we are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away, like an alegebra class, but the lessons you learn last a life time.
* You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
* Don't compare your self to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
* Make peace with your past so it doesn't spoil your present.
* Your job won't take care of you when you are sick but your friends will stay in touch.
* Forgive everyone for everything.
* What other people think of you is none of your business.
* Get rid of everything that isn't useful, beautiful, or joyful.
* However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
* Envy is a waste of time.
* You already have all that you need.
* The best is yet to come.
* No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.
* Don't over do. Know your limits.
* Your inner self is always happy so be happy.
* Do the right thing.
* Call your family often.
* Each day give something good to others.
"Before I Was A Mom" Poem
Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night .
Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep .
Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom .
Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy .
Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom
Author: Unknown
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night .
Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep .
Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom .
Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy .
Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom
Author: Unknown
One last thing...
It is adorable to listen to Rhyan talk about her big day today. She boasted to her dad about creating her own email acct on the internet. How she typed all the info herself and how she sent to messages to mommy and ms. toni.
It was the funniest to hear her throw the jargon 'round.
"daddy Im on email now, huh mom, I sent them all by myself"
"I blogged and posted on my internet"
............lol...........
"Can I get my own computer now, daddy, can I?"
uh oh! what have I done? ! ?
It is adorable to listen to Rhyan talk about her big day today. She boasted to her dad about creating her own email acct on the internet. How she typed all the info herself and how she sent to messages to mommy and ms. toni.
It was the funniest to hear her throw the jargon 'round.
"daddy Im on email now, huh mom, I sent them all by myself"
"I blogged and posted on my internet"
............lol...........
"Can I get my own computer now, daddy, can I?"
uh oh! what have I done? ! ?
Girl Scout camp out is coming up next weekend. We are off to ABQ to camp at the zoo. The troop earns a badge for conservation at a zoo camp out learning about animals and the high desert we live in. Ry is so excited. Me too! She has been aching to camp in a tent for 3 yrs now. We havent had to the opportunity to do so until now. And who better to do it with, Ms. KIm and her daughter Sam. There are 20 or so girls in the troop but only 5 will be going to ABQ. Of course, were expressing to Ry how privileged she is to be participating in this event. I dont want her to take these opportunites for granted. I think she finally gets it. She expressed how concerned she was about the other girls who werent attending.
When she spoke with her other lil Daisy friends, she learned they werent attending because their parents were unable to pay for the trip and fees. A pretty hefty fee I say for a 6 yr old to participate in. But we did. Were so lucky we can give her these opportunities. She'll learn something important about conservation and how it saves the earth. And especially important, that there is an entire world beyound
G-town.
When she spoke with her other lil Daisy friends, she learned they werent attending because their parents were unable to pay for the trip and fees. A pretty hefty fee I say for a 6 yr old to participate in. But we did. Were so lucky we can give her these opportunities. She'll learn something important about conservation and how it saves the earth. And especially important, that there is an entire world beyound
G-town.
NO more Filtering
Ive held back in my posts. Always.
But now Im have no time to sugarcoat anything I type. this is me, raw, from here on out! Dont like it? Dont read.
I seriously have no time to be sweet and pretend Im this happy, nice, caring person. Im really a very vile, depressed, cynical, pessimistic, married mother of 2.
Im going thru a midlife crisis. I didnt know what Ive been feeling until recently I devulged everything to my hubby. He was quite and listened. very nice. Too quite. When I asked him to respond to anything I was saying and help me out. Because I felt loss in my life. He replied that I was going through a midlife Crisis.
P.S. I try not to put Reagan in her carseat to sleep. In the pass 4 months, she has had these "episodes". Right before falling into a deep sleep, buckled in her carseat, suckling on the bottle, she begins to shake. It lasts for 5 seconds at the most. The first 2 I didnt think much at first but there continuing to happen. Its worrying me. I think they may be seizures. Ive been telling family but it seems they dont believe. The have always thought me to be a dramatic person and chalk this one up to another incident. But RHyan out of school, witnessed it today. I told her to watch and she then expressed concern to her dad. He then believed me. SO come Tuesday Im gonna bring it to my peds attention. Another thing to stress about!
I just pray she okay. and that theres nothing to be alarmed about.
But now Im have no time to sugarcoat anything I type. this is me, raw, from here on out! Dont like it? Dont read.
I seriously have no time to be sweet and pretend Im this happy, nice, caring person. Im really a very vile, depressed, cynical, pessimistic, married mother of 2.
Im going thru a midlife crisis. I didnt know what Ive been feeling until recently I devulged everything to my hubby. He was quite and listened. very nice. Too quite. When I asked him to respond to anything I was saying and help me out. Because I felt loss in my life. He replied that I was going through a midlife Crisis.
P.S. I try not to put Reagan in her carseat to sleep. In the pass 4 months, she has had these "episodes". Right before falling into a deep sleep, buckled in her carseat, suckling on the bottle, she begins to shake. It lasts for 5 seconds at the most. The first 2 I didnt think much at first but there continuing to happen. Its worrying me. I think they may be seizures. Ive been telling family but it seems they dont believe. The have always thought me to be a dramatic person and chalk this one up to another incident. But RHyan out of school, witnessed it today. I told her to watch and she then expressed concern to her dad. He then believed me. SO come Tuesday Im gonna bring it to my peds attention. Another thing to stress about!
I just pray she okay. and that theres nothing to be alarmed about.
More Rambles from a mother of an Infant
Reagan cries all day long. If Im not holding her, she’s mad about something. I can keep her happy for the most part until its time for a nap. Now a baby her age should be awake 2 hours playfully alert. Then want to nap. But not her. She doesn’t sleep at all during the day. She takes many powernaps. They last any where from 20 minutes to 50 minutes. The only way I can get her to sleep long periods of time is in the carseat, fastened. I know this isnt wise. But really, when your tired and shes throwing herself back and doesn’t want the bottle. What choice do I have. I HAVE tried letting her cry herself to sleep. And honestly, I dread it. Everyday she screams herself to sleep, if not in the carseat, then in the swing, or in her playard. Ive read the literature and Ive tried it all.
I have tried (like I read) to lie her down for naps, let her cry for up to an hour, checking on her every 5 mins. Let me tell you, this kid can out wait you. She’ll scream for up to 2 hrs full on scream and wont tire. Its stressful. I don’t know what to do. But! The minute I walk in or go to pik her up from her fit, she quites instantly, stops all together, and begins to smile. She’s very easy to calm ONCE you pik her up.
Sometimes I get nervous in the morning before the day begins because I know what my days is gonna be like.
When she does sleep for a quik 15 - 30 minutes, I should snooze too. But I don’t. I try to rush around and pik up things or try to groom myself ( by that I mean shower, brush teeth, put in contact lenses). it’s a great achievement if I can brush my teeth b4 1pm. Gross, right!
I came home tonight wanting to cry because I wanted her to stop with it all. Shes causing me to be so sad. And Im sure she doesnt like it either.
But the time out did me some good. Even if I did feel guilty for going out and doing something for myself I came home relaxed and rested. Although, I didn’t sleep. I was away from a house that had constant noise. Its amazing how much noise makes you stressed and tired. Go figure!
The noise! The noise. The noise. The noise. Ugh!
Rhyan dropped RED jell-o on the carpet in the hallway. I was hiding out in the bedroom. As she walked down the hall, eating her jell-o, to come talk to me, she dropped the bowl. I didn’t hear crying. But I did hear in a very sweet and very sorry voice, “ I didn’t mean to do it.” She said it 3 or 4 times. I could hear her dad getting after her. Now! If that had happened after a long day with the kids … I would have had a full on BLOW OUT! I would have screamed and yelled. Maybe even spanked and sent her to bed crying. ONE MORE THING FOR ME TO CLEAN UP! Is what I would have been screaming. But I could sympathize with that sweet voice and I jumped to defend her. Also because I don’t like anyone disciplining my child but me. Even if its my hubby. (now, make note that DC wasnt yelling. He was only using a stern vquite voice - but still i didnt care for it). So I calmly said to her after she came into the bedroom, “ its allright. Its happens and it can be cleaned up.”
I thing my hubby was surprised I wasn’t P-O’d.
So for that one second in her day, I was sane, rational, and responded appropriately to a 6 yr olds accident. The look in her eyes, said she was thankfu mommy didnt freak out. Sometimes I think IM JOAN CRAWFORD, reincarnated!
That very moment I realized although I felt guilty for leaving the house, the kids, the hubby, my motherly duties…I knew it was GOOD FOR ME. And as someone said… if your good - your that much better for the kids. Mommy needs to be selfish 60 % of the time, within reason. So far, Ive been selfish 0% of the time. That explains why Im such a monster. Or as Ry puts it, “ YOU’RE THE WORSE MOM EVER”.
I have tried (like I read) to lie her down for naps, let her cry for up to an hour, checking on her every 5 mins. Let me tell you, this kid can out wait you. She’ll scream for up to 2 hrs full on scream and wont tire. Its stressful. I don’t know what to do. But! The minute I walk in or go to pik her up from her fit, she quites instantly, stops all together, and begins to smile. She’s very easy to calm ONCE you pik her up.
Sometimes I get nervous in the morning before the day begins because I know what my days is gonna be like.
When she does sleep for a quik 15 - 30 minutes, I should snooze too. But I don’t. I try to rush around and pik up things or try to groom myself ( by that I mean shower, brush teeth, put in contact lenses). it’s a great achievement if I can brush my teeth b4 1pm. Gross, right!
I came home tonight wanting to cry because I wanted her to stop with it all. Shes causing me to be so sad. And Im sure she doesnt like it either.
But the time out did me some good. Even if I did feel guilty for going out and doing something for myself I came home relaxed and rested. Although, I didn’t sleep. I was away from a house that had constant noise. Its amazing how much noise makes you stressed and tired. Go figure!
The noise! The noise. The noise. The noise. Ugh!
Rhyan dropped RED jell-o on the carpet in the hallway. I was hiding out in the bedroom. As she walked down the hall, eating her jell-o, to come talk to me, she dropped the bowl. I didn’t hear crying. But I did hear in a very sweet and very sorry voice, “ I didn’t mean to do it.” She said it 3 or 4 times. I could hear her dad getting after her. Now! If that had happened after a long day with the kids … I would have had a full on BLOW OUT! I would have screamed and yelled. Maybe even spanked and sent her to bed crying. ONE MORE THING FOR ME TO CLEAN UP! Is what I would have been screaming. But I could sympathize with that sweet voice and I jumped to defend her. Also because I don’t like anyone disciplining my child but me. Even if its my hubby. (now, make note that DC wasnt yelling. He was only using a stern vquite voice - but still i didnt care for it). So I calmly said to her after she came into the bedroom, “ its allright. Its happens and it can be cleaned up.”
I thing my hubby was surprised I wasn’t P-O’d.
So for that one second in her day, I was sane, rational, and responded appropriately to a 6 yr olds accident. The look in her eyes, said she was thankfu mommy didnt freak out. Sometimes I think IM JOAN CRAWFORD, reincarnated!
That very moment I realized although I felt guilty for leaving the house, the kids, the hubby, my motherly duties…I knew it was GOOD FOR ME. And as someone said… if your good - your that much better for the kids. Mommy needs to be selfish 60 % of the time, within reason. So far, Ive been selfish 0% of the time. That explains why Im such a monster. Or as Ry puts it, “ YOU’RE THE WORSE MOM EVER”.
Were not talking large bodies of water now!
Sat., May 29th
I constantly remind Rhyan when she’s trying to tell a story and doesn’t give me all the important facts, “BE SPECIFIC!”
Now she’s 6, yes, I know. But I have to know everything that happened when someone tells me a story. That is how controlling I am. And of course it makes the other person mad. I have seriously loss friends because of this vice. So on with the Ry’s story…. I cant recall what we were talking about but she got frustrated with me. Walked away from the dining table to retrieve something from the frig and said to me, without making eye contact, mind you.
“Mom, you have to be PACIFIC. When you tell me to do something you have to be pacific! Udderwise I don’t know what to do. Geeez!”
I looked down in shame and had a slight grin on my face. My daughter had just told me off! She sure put me in my place. I couldn’t make this up. Its all true. Lol.
I constantly remind Rhyan when she’s trying to tell a story and doesn’t give me all the important facts, “BE SPECIFIC!”
Now she’s 6, yes, I know. But I have to know everything that happened when someone tells me a story. That is how controlling I am. And of course it makes the other person mad. I have seriously loss friends because of this vice. So on with the Ry’s story…. I cant recall what we were talking about but she got frustrated with me. Walked away from the dining table to retrieve something from the frig and said to me, without making eye contact, mind you.
“Mom, you have to be PACIFIC. When you tell me to do something you have to be pacific! Udderwise I don’t know what to do. Geeez!”
I looked down in shame and had a slight grin on my face. My daughter had just told me off! She sure put me in my place. I couldn’t make this up. Its all true. Lol.
Sat., May 29th
Saturday, May29th.
When I leave the house for an evening - to do something for myself, I come home to a home that makes me feel guilty. It may be in my head but that’s how I feel. DC goes hunting, goes to work, goes to his parents, goes out to have fun with cousins and family (without us) and doesn’t have the slightest bit of guilt. Me? Forget it, I’m a mess for hours afterwards.
I am with the kids all day long worrying about them. Are they getting enough vitamins? Are they getting enough sleep? Am I rearing them to be good citizens in society? Does he ever worry about these things. Seems like no. I worry they’ll get a disease later in life and what if I could have prevented it. What if they get hurt really bad and I could have prevented that too. Am I paying enough attention to them. I don’t want anything to get by me. Such as a harmful person in their lives. What if I ignore the signs that something was wrong. Why was I so aloof? Really, these are only a few of my neurotic worries. I obsess over them. I cant enjoy a normal life because im so neurotic. I worry, worry, worry. I was once told by a person that I was a manic depressant! I took offense to it but now some years later I am starting to think that there is truth to it.
I LIKE to cry. I think it makes me happier. I LOV to watch sad movies. I get a thrill outta letting my emotions run wild.
Im lonely. Im scared. Im everything all at the same time.
I went out tonight to watch a movie and it was sad and happy. I wanted to do my usual cryfest on the drive home but was sidetracked in the theatre lobby. Someone I knew from long ago stopped me to chat for a few minutes. They wanted to talk about families and how happy they were and all I wanted to say was,” Im in my zone I gotta go so I can reflect on my life and be sad and cry.” but I didn’t. I stood there talking and saying,”oh good. Good. Love the stay at home life”. I answered everything in a happy manner. Im such a cynical person. I was seriously bummed that these people , only trying to be nice, KILLED my depressed buzz!
I was high on depression and my seratonin levels were low and loving it. Then Wham! Someone goes and cheers me up. Dang!
When I leave the house for an evening - to do something for myself, I come home to a home that makes me feel guilty. It may be in my head but that’s how I feel. DC goes hunting, goes to work, goes to his parents, goes out to have fun with cousins and family (without us) and doesn’t have the slightest bit of guilt. Me? Forget it, I’m a mess for hours afterwards.
I am with the kids all day long worrying about them. Are they getting enough vitamins? Are they getting enough sleep? Am I rearing them to be good citizens in society? Does he ever worry about these things. Seems like no. I worry they’ll get a disease later in life and what if I could have prevented it. What if they get hurt really bad and I could have prevented that too. Am I paying enough attention to them. I don’t want anything to get by me. Such as a harmful person in their lives. What if I ignore the signs that something was wrong. Why was I so aloof? Really, these are only a few of my neurotic worries. I obsess over them. I cant enjoy a normal life because im so neurotic. I worry, worry, worry. I was once told by a person that I was a manic depressant! I took offense to it but now some years later I am starting to think that there is truth to it.
I LIKE to cry. I think it makes me happier. I LOV to watch sad movies. I get a thrill outta letting my emotions run wild.
Im lonely. Im scared. Im everything all at the same time.
I went out tonight to watch a movie and it was sad and happy. I wanted to do my usual cryfest on the drive home but was sidetracked in the theatre lobby. Someone I knew from long ago stopped me to chat for a few minutes. They wanted to talk about families and how happy they were and all I wanted to say was,” Im in my zone I gotta go so I can reflect on my life and be sad and cry.” but I didn’t. I stood there talking and saying,”oh good. Good. Love the stay at home life”. I answered everything in a happy manner. Im such a cynical person. I was seriously bummed that these people , only trying to be nice, KILLED my depressed buzz!
I was high on depression and my seratonin levels were low and loving it. Then Wham! Someone goes and cheers me up. Dang!
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